Deputy Hound Dog Mcgee skit

(A Kitchen)

Billy

Winter sucks, what’s the point of having a snow day if you cant go outside?

PETER

Yea but Billy, why don’t we just drink those cool looking soda cans in your Dads fridge?

BILLY

That’s not soda, that’s my Dads beer. I’ve never had beer before have you?

PETER

Yea uh I have I’ve drank beer plenty of times

BILLY

 (Opening the fridge)

 Let’s drink it before it drinks itself.

PETER

Beer! Billy! Lets drink some Beer!

BILLY

Dad doesn’t call them “Beers” he calls them “Brews”

PETER

(opens a can)

Cheers Billy my good man

(both drink)

BILLY and PETER

Awww gross. What the….ewww, this is disgusting how are we gonna finish these Brews, if they taste like warm piss?

BILLY

What the heck, I thought it was supposed to taste all good and sweet like Dad says?

PETER

(Pacing)

Yea uh I remember it tasting much better the last couple times, must be a bad batch. You think your Dad will notice the missing cans?

BILLY

(Scared)

Dad’s gonna kill me if he finds out we were drinking

PETER

Yeah, Especially if he finds out that we opened his brews and then didn’t like the way they tasted.  Can’t we just dump them down the sink?

BILLY

 ( Grabbing PETER)

No! No! No! We cannot waste Dad’s brews.  You know how he gets when I take stuff 

PETER

Like that white stuff we found in his desk?

BILLY

 (nodding)

That’s correct PETER.  But luckily I have a good idea to get us out of this mess

PETER

Your gonna drink them both yourself?

BILLY

 (Reaching for the phone)

No.  I’m gonna call someone who can. Deputy Hound Dog McGee

PETER

(shocked)

But Billy, you can’t call Deputy Hound Dog McGee? He’s crazy!

PETER

 (w/ phone to his ear)

Hello, Hi, Deputy Hound Dog McGee? You like beer right?  Good. Because I have some that I cant finish.  Are you busy right now?

(Peter Hangs up)

PETER

Yes! He said he’s on his way. 

BILLY

But isn’t Dad supposed to be home soon?

PETER

Oh No.  Your right.  Oh my god.  Hopefully Deputy Hound Dog McGee can bust his fat ass on the way over here.

(DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE enters room visibly winded)

DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE

(Panting)

…….Beer……….still……Here…..?

PETER

(setting the beer down in front of DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE)

Yes sir here it is all two cans’ of the finest, freshest brew. 

(DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE sizes up the cans with his eyes)

(PETER and BILLY exchange nervous glances)

DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE

I’ll do it but if I do then you have to give me another beer for my trouble

PETER

 (Shocked)

Uhh uh um okay fine just drink the damn things. 

(DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE begins chugging both cans)

PETER and PETER

Go, Go, Go, Go Go!

DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE

(Belches)

Aww that was nothing you sissy’s.  Now go fetch me another beer

( puts his feet up on the table)

PETER

(Angry)

Just because you drank our Dad’s brew doesn’t mean you get to act like our Dad

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

(slightly Slurring)

Ssshutup, and get me another boy or I’ll wupp you good.  I’m gonna get drunk this afternoon.

(BILLY looks at PETER)

PETER

(Arms crossed)

Deputy Hound Dog McGee? Whats it like?

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

Wwwwhats? What? Like?

Peter

Ya know? Being Drunk

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

How the hell should I know I cant get drunk with only two beers.  I need more. 

PETER

Do you think you will be after three?

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

I’m gettin there, now will you just keep the Brews coming?

Peter

(Opening the fridge)

Sure, Sure, we can give you some more Brews but you have to make sure that you can drink them. 

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

(Reaches for a Beer)

Yeah, I never met a beer I couldn’t drink

PETER

Well at least we wont get in trouble when…………….

(Dad Enters, Looking Angry)

Dad

(Sits Down looks at Deputy Hound Dog McGee)

Now I don’t wanna have to hurt ya son so be honest………Were you planning on drinking my brew?

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

(Petrified)

N N N NO sir I don ‘t drink beer I was just sitting here and Peter was Drinking them. 

PETER

(Hands up)

No way.  Dad I didn’t do it.  He’s Lying Smell his breath

PETER

Deputy Hound Dog McGee drank two beers and said he was going to get drunk. 

(All look at Deputy Hound Dog McGee)

(Deputy Hound Dog McGee Belches)

(All look at Dad)

Dad

Ahahaha You dumb son of a bitch that ain't real brew that’s non alcoholic.  This boy wasn’t going to get Drunk. 

Peter

But he was slurring Dad?

(All look at Deputy Hound Dog McGee)

Dad

That’s because your friend is damn stupid boy. 

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

(Grabs Beer from PETER)

I wasn’t gonna drink it I don’t even want it, look I’ll dump it down the sink.

(Reaches for sink)

 PETER

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

(Dad Lunges)