Working Title

Looking around online for acting work for most of the afternoon today. One of my many afternoons spent on a "Starbucks web session." I get such a kick out of calling it that. Looking for jobs is tedious and requires constant hydration and supervision. Many people fall victim to the dreaded online news sites that are just full of bullshit. I suppose you have to get your news somewhere but not me. I'm busy looking for acting gigs. Which is tough when there are so many babes at Starbucks. (How is a young man supposed to concentrate on a Starbucks web session when there are hot babes crawling all over the place. The entire Starbucks is being overtaken by the hottest girls on the planet. Oh please no don't get naked...not all of you. They are all getting naked and rubbing hot liquids all over each other. Oh Jeez the sounds of wet flesh slapping together the smells of passion in the air. It's too much. My web session is a very difficult and arduous one today. As it stands I have no idea how to do anything except for stare at all of the sexy smoking hot babes getting down and dirty here at Starbucks. What  a day. In other news I have recently started living in a military style barracks with several other men of varying age and ethnic background. We are an elite unit. We have been training for the winter games for weeks now and our preparation is nearly complete. We will have our vengeance and those who have crossed us will know the taste of our freshly cleaned boots. We woke up pretty early today and enjoyed a nice breakfast together. The braved the barren cold of the local park for some pt and eventually we found our way to this Starbucks for a nice web session which was ruined by the many many many drop dead gorgeous babes now getting full on hard core super porn style motherfuckers to the max. I think I have a coffee buzz. Oh shit. I have to go to work. Let me know if you have any acting work for me. Please. 

A Poem That Sucks

To do all you should have when you could
To understand the misunderstood
To know that all was truly good
Laughing in the neighborhood
To harbor guilt and fear and hate
Three jobs you hate your always late
A stack of bills laid on your plate 
Maybe she'll pay for the date?
To be so broke but never broken
Truer words were never spoken
Hush old man it's not an omen
One door will close and one will open
To charge and race for cheers and gifts
So hard we  chase for years it lives
A sacrifice you have to give
In order to be positive
To know you never second guessed
To try your best and never rest
It's like your on an endless quest
But you've been here before

Writing Wrongs

Sometimes I get pissed off and decide that all my blogs are pieces of shit that don't even deserve to be read. I must admit that as a writer it is a very depressing mental state to be in. You can't really shake the negative vibes and every thought you put down on the page ends up sounding forced and whiny. Oh how I relish the days when the voices in my head (The creative one and the critical one) are in perfect agreement and it is easy to execute my craft. On days like these hours seem to fly by while my fingers dance across the keys. 
 A good and well spent writing session is one of the most pleasurable things i can think of doing with an afternoon, although there are other considerations. It is hard to decide what I prefer, typing or long hand writing. Both get the job done but something about the long hand method just feels right. Typing certainly helps you to keep up with the high speeds your mental voice can achieve. Sometimes it's hard to keep up when writing by hand. I wish that everyone had a chance to experience the joy of commanding language to communicate ideas in a creative and artistic manner. It truly is one of my favorite hobbies. 

Delirium serum deleterious sermon delicious syrup and watermelon

All of the people have bad intentions
Truer words were never sung
Craigslist reading missed connections
Someone saw me at Fullerton
Thomas Jefferson had inventions
I have got the perfect one
A filter for your butt so when you fart it freshens
I think I need to re start
How about a robot shopping cart?
Honestly please, do you have suggestions
Inventing things is really hard
Do you believe in new dimension
How many have you seen so far
Avoid the department of corrections
Or you'll be living behind bars
I'm getting calls about debt collection
While I'm sitting at the bar
Life is like a recollection
Of what it is we truly are
Prepare yourself for disinfection
Afterward you keep the jar
Nerium for nice complexion
Ordering some caviar
Can I get a cord extension
The outlet here is really far

Kick in the door waving the forty

Today is December 2nd 2012. It was alarmingly nice outside today so my Brother Dane and I set sail for adventure. We dissected the lyrics and song structure of the late great notorious big aka Frank White. I don't know if I have mentioned this in a previous post but I just want to say that I am big fan of Biggy. I am a Biggy guy, I never got to deep into Tupac. If you go to Wendy's they have Biggy size not Tupac size. Ahh whatever. So Dane and I went to the basketball court in our never ending quest to never call fouls no matter the stakes or blatantness. Prison Rules. I always like when Biggy said " many nights I perform like mike, anyone Tyson Jordan Jackson action packed guns ridiculous"

I tried to go to shitbucks to use the Internet but it was no use, the entire place was filled with douche bags. I took a long walk and decided that it is official I like walking. When I was young I use to dream of one day growing old. It looks like all the hard work is paying off so far this year. I am really excited about some upcoming stuff that I'm gonna be posting later this month or next week. So whose up for a little late night luncheon. I went to crunch on some chips but Von Los stole them from my snack drawer. I am excited to report that I have received word from Von Los. 

Poem about Kicking Ass

In the future or in the past the time we have just doesnt last
before your told before your asked life will kick you in the ass
it'll happen fast this kick to the ass so fast that you'll have time to pass
and time to frolic laugh and play to live again another day
but if you stay theres a chance you risk it
an ass gets kicked most every instant 
elder or infant it aint no different
the talentless and truly gifted
relentless bad ass kicking schindig 

BoomShakaLaka!

The Innards of thinking

Don't Ask

In the past year I have come a long way in some ways but in other areas (financial) I have very much remained the same. It is uncertain where the next step is. With no money and no paycheck in sight I sit and write and make certain that everything I do is for my self betterment. I can be the best if I try, I can do anything I want to. This is a testament to all those who don’t think that I have it in me. This is to all the stars out there who have accomplished so much already that there is no possible way I could dream of catching up. This is a message for anyone who desires to become something better than what they are. I will not rest until I have conquered all the fear and doubt the world has to offer.

Chicken soup and daiquiris for everyone captain, I expect its going to be a bumpy flight so please buckle yourselves in and don’t mention any of this to your parents when you arrive home later this evening to a darkened house with nobody home. Where did they go? You wonder making the climb up the stairs as an owl hoots alarmingly in the distance. Where are you from? What Government? What are you doing here?

 This is way way way outside your jurisdiction officer Rembrandt.

I have a fascination with old war time stories and novelty items. I don’t really understand the obsession but I suspect it has its roots in my childhood fondness of guns and artillery weapons. Strange I know but with whom the bell tolls may be he whom the ring is heard by. 

In the late hours of every night I go inside my closed bathroom and dance around in the dark. I do this because it is my intent to scare and or disturb one of my unsuspecting housemates upon entry to said bathroom. I can already tell that something magic is truly in the air because I am a writing machine right now. I feel like I’m back in school again. This is great the words just flowing out onto the page with a certain routine ability that impresses me whenever it reveals itself. I love the page and words equally but the real question is do I love the words written or spoken.?You must admit it is a tough question but if you look beyond the surface of the question you will see that I need to smoke some more weed. 

Deputy Hound Dog Mcgee skit

(A Kitchen)

Billy

Winter sucks, what’s the point of having a snow day if you cant go outside?

PETER

Yea but Billy, why don’t we just drink those cool looking soda cans in your Dads fridge?

BILLY

That’s not soda, that’s my Dads beer. I’ve never had beer before have you?

PETER

Yea uh I have I’ve drank beer plenty of times

BILLY

 (Opening the fridge)

 Let’s drink it before it drinks itself.

PETER

Beer! Billy! Lets drink some Beer!

BILLY

Dad doesn’t call them “Beers” he calls them “Brews”

PETER

(opens a can)

Cheers Billy my good man

(both drink)

BILLY and PETER

Awww gross. What the….ewww, this is disgusting how are we gonna finish these Brews, if they taste like warm piss?

BILLY

What the heck, I thought it was supposed to taste all good and sweet like Dad says?

PETER

(Pacing)

Yea uh I remember it tasting much better the last couple times, must be a bad batch. You think your Dad will notice the missing cans?

BILLY

(Scared)

Dad’s gonna kill me if he finds out we were drinking

PETER

Yeah, Especially if he finds out that we opened his brews and then didn’t like the way they tasted.  Can’t we just dump them down the sink?

BILLY

 ( Grabbing PETER)

No! No! No! We cannot waste Dad’s brews.  You know how he gets when I take stuff 

PETER

Like that white stuff we found in his desk?

BILLY

 (nodding)

That’s correct PETER.  But luckily I have a good idea to get us out of this mess

PETER

Your gonna drink them both yourself?

BILLY

 (Reaching for the phone)

No.  I’m gonna call someone who can. Deputy Hound Dog McGee

PETER

(shocked)

But Billy, you can’t call Deputy Hound Dog McGee? He’s crazy!

PETER

 (w/ phone to his ear)

Hello, Hi, Deputy Hound Dog McGee? You like beer right?  Good. Because I have some that I cant finish.  Are you busy right now?

(Peter Hangs up)

PETER

Yes! He said he’s on his way. 

BILLY

But isn’t Dad supposed to be home soon?

PETER

Oh No.  Your right.  Oh my god.  Hopefully Deputy Hound Dog McGee can bust his fat ass on the way over here.

(DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE enters room visibly winded)

DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE

(Panting)

…….Beer……….still……Here…..?

PETER

(setting the beer down in front of DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE)

Yes sir here it is all two cans’ of the finest, freshest brew. 

(DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE sizes up the cans with his eyes)

(PETER and BILLY exchange nervous glances)

DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE

I’ll do it but if I do then you have to give me another beer for my trouble

PETER

 (Shocked)

Uhh uh um okay fine just drink the damn things. 

(DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE begins chugging both cans)

PETER and PETER

Go, Go, Go, Go Go!

DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE

(Belches)

Aww that was nothing you sissy’s.  Now go fetch me another beer

( puts his feet up on the table)

PETER

(Angry)

Just because you drank our Dad’s brew doesn’t mean you get to act like our Dad

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

(slightly Slurring)

Ssshutup, and get me another boy or I’ll wupp you good.  I’m gonna get drunk this afternoon.

(BILLY looks at PETER)

PETER

(Arms crossed)

Deputy Hound Dog McGee? Whats it like?

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

Wwwwhats? What? Like?

Peter

Ya know? Being Drunk

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

How the hell should I know I cant get drunk with only two beers.  I need more. 

PETER

Do you think you will be after three?

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

I’m gettin there, now will you just keep the Brews coming?

Peter

(Opening the fridge)

Sure, Sure, we can give you some more Brews but you have to make sure that you can drink them. 

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

(Reaches for a Beer)

Yeah, I never met a beer I couldn’t drink

PETER

Well at least we wont get in trouble when…………….

(Dad Enters, Looking Angry)

Dad

(Sits Down looks at Deputy Hound Dog McGee)

Now I don’t wanna have to hurt ya son so be honest………Were you planning on drinking my brew?

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

(Petrified)

N N N NO sir I don ‘t drink beer I was just sitting here and Peter was Drinking them. 

PETER

(Hands up)

No way.  Dad I didn’t do it.  He’s Lying Smell his breath

PETER

Deputy Hound Dog McGee drank two beers and said he was going to get drunk. 

(All look at Deputy Hound Dog McGee)

(Deputy Hound Dog McGee Belches)

(All look at Dad)

Dad

Ahahaha You dumb son of a bitch that ain't real brew that’s non alcoholic.  This boy wasn’t going to get Drunk. 

Peter

But he was slurring Dad?

(All look at Deputy Hound Dog McGee)

Dad

That’s because your friend is damn stupid boy. 

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

(Grabs Beer from PETER)

I wasn’t gonna drink it I don’t even want it, look I’ll dump it down the sink.

(Reaches for sink)

 PETER

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

(Dad Lunges)

Super Lyrical

Lyrically I’m like an athletic freak when I write

 So I’m tight at open mics that I frequent at night

 When I speak on the mic  in a beacon of light

 I’m kinda weird and i'm white but still keeping it hype

I need a miller lite! When I step off stages

 Take a seat at the bar with some hot babes and write pages

 I’m writin bars at bars with with local rap stars

 I’m writin bars at barbeques with dudes in my back yard

 Cuz art work pays off take no days off

 Work hard play soft smoke weed, play golf

 I often stop at coffee shops to sit and jot

  I get lost in thought with the ink I blot

  I sit and think a lot high off decent pot

 I never creep or stop whether I sleep or not

  I think this coffee drink I got is freaking hot

  Lyrically on a streak that can never be stopped

Desk Pains

No rest no stressing me I sit at my desk endlessly

Writing till my left hand bleeds but no reflex tendency

Then and now I plow and foul I howl and scowl then smoke a white owl

every now the then I have friends who pretend at the end they can bend

With two hands they wont lend send a chill down your spine

When I’m in the lime it’s a fine wine cuz it grows with time

I write till my left hand bleeds at my desk I never rest

I’m like a slob with a vest on my chest but I’m the best

In the worst way I’m constantly thirsty

I wish there were tits containing beer that could nurse me

Vanilla or Hershey but no controversy

A titties a titty so there is no worry

Sometimes I get blurry

Get down and get dirty

I think that its early but its clearly 1230

Can be so self serving its raw and unnerving

So cruel and deserving for the gruel they be serving

Is that Michael Irvin in cars see him swerving

Its magic like Irvin its tragic like working

He found a cure for aids I need a cure for jerking the monster is lurking

Just sneaking and stirring incurring the wrath

I need a bath and half plus a joke and laugh

That's Not What it Said on the Goddamn Website

A few summers ago while working at the Wrigley Rooftops (The Rooftops of some of the buildings surrounding Chicago's Wrigley field that yield a good few of the action going on inside the friendly confines.) The Wrigley Rooftops or more specifically the Shefield Baseball Club. I was watching the bar in the third floor all star lounge when a man from St. Louis (I assumed because it seems like every time the cubs play the cardinals the entire population of St. Louis would take over Wrigleyville.) St. Louis being the home base of Annhieser Busch brewing the company the proud maker of Bud Lite and other Bud Products. The man I believed to be from St. Louis approached the bar wiping sweat from his forehead with a handkerchief (so he must be old) and I might add that he looked somewhat intoxicated. This portly mustached man stood there and without looking at the tap (which has no Budweiser or bud lite) and says "Bud Lite"(implying i should get him a bud lite) "Sir we don't carry and bud products, I apologize" "Well How about a Budweiser?' "Sir we don't have any Bud Products." He seemed to be getting more and more aggravated with my every attempt to help him understand that the shefield baseball club does not carry any bud products. "Well that's not what it said on the damn website!" He shouts looking cocky as if he has gained the upper hand (Looking back he probably went to the wrong website as it is very easy to get confused by the sheer number and size of the rooftop buildings.) "What Sir?" I asked wanting to see his explanation. "That's not what it said on the damn website. I spent about damn hours on the website and it said there was gonna be plenty of ice cold bud lite and Budweiser for me and my family. Now...Cuz a you boys here and cuz a that goddamn website now I look like a damn fool. I  done brought my whole family up here from St. Louis and there ain't no god damn bud lite and there ain't no god damn Budweiser for me and my family." "Well is there anything else we can get you? we also have Heineken, Amstel, Blue Moon, Fat Tire, Coors." "My family..." He mutters. (By now a line has started to form and some of the other employees are watching as well.) "What Sir?" "Me and my family." "Your Family?" "I done told you I have to have bud lite for me and my family. I swear I saw it on that goddamn website ahhh shit give me a motherfucking Coors!" 

The Eternal Question

the pain and the greed the need for green weed
so hungry and dazed if i ever get blazed
but to settle a score for once and for all
would you rather have weed or adderall
now weed indeed is off the wall
but what about the adderall 
it makes me want to clean and grind
so anxious i could lose my mind
but one for all the rest of time
to pop a pill or smoke a dime?
to rip a bong or snort a line?
but wait a minute kindly folks
Now Ive been known to tell some jokes
of prescription pills and taking tokes
now what if it was all a hoax
that there is only one
when there is two theres twice to do
both weed and adderrall for you 
so you can balance out the hits 
with crushing up and taking sniffs
each one is yours these treasured gifts
now have a beer and take some sips

America

Mr. Drugs

Good Morning Class. Now that the Teacher's Strike has been settled I will be your teacher for the rest of the school year. My name..... is Mr. Drugs. It is pronounced "Droogs" not "Drugs" and as I see some of you snickering I already know that this is going to be and interesting year for this class. I wonder. By a show of hands, how many of you have prescriptions for Adderall. Okay. For all those of you who have prescriptions for Adderall, you may go to recess. All the rest of you will be going down to the nurses office where you are going to tell her that you are having concentration problems. 

Good Morning Class. You all look awake. Now that you all have your required prescriptions for Adderall it is time for you first assignment. I want you all to go home tonight and in the dark of night go into your bottle of Adderall and bring me five of them. Five Adderall from each of you placed in rows on my desk tomorrow morning or you will drop a whole grade level. 

Good Morning Class. Thank you for completing your assignment and to celebrate I am happy to announce that it is now time for your first spelling lesson The Word of the day is XANAX for your second assignment I want you all to go home tonight being extra careful that no one sees you go behind your mothers bathroom mirror and look for a bottle with today's spelling word XANAX written on it and bring the pills to my desk in the morning. Because you have all been so good about completing your adderall assignment I have decided that for the rest of the day we will be watching "Limitless" starring Bradley Cooper as a drug fueled entrepreneur. You don't have to take notes but try to notice the symbolism of how his drug is basically adderall. 

Good Morning Class. I am very pleased to see that you have all completed you second assignment congratulations. At this time I would like all of you to take out your iPhone I want you to text me photo each of your mothers in a bikini. Except for you Smitty, you don't have to complete this assignment in fact you can have extra credit for not doing it. But for the rest of you it is mandatory. The pictures are part of my notes for the upcoming parent teacher conferences. For those of you with large breasted mothers there will be a bonus. That is all for now.....

Class I have been nice to you so far but now I am starting to get angry. Last night I was in the middle of  a long work session that involved studying your mothers photos in my bedroom when Smitty whom I had specifically told not to send me any photo whatsoever decided to send me a photo of his mother who shall we say is quite...unsightly. My night was ruined and now as result you are going to have two assignments today. Tell Suri or write this down or whatever method of note taking works for you. 

Assignment 4: I want you to go into your fathers office and look inside his desk for white powder in some kind of container or bag. It will taste very bitter but don't have to much because it's only for grownups. 

Assignment 5: Visit your Grandfathers home and look next to his bed where there are sure to be a variety of pill bottles. Look among them and find toady's spelling word which is VIAGRA. They are for a friend a very old friend who needs them. they are not for me. Kindly Bring in about five pills each they are blue. 

 I have added an extra assignment because during lunch I was eating and the mere thought of Smitty's mothers unsightliness made me lose my appetite. 

Assignment 6: Tonight while your older brother is asleep go into his bedroom and look inside his dresser for a some green stuff in a plastic bag. It will smell very much like skunk but somehow more pleasant. Don't eat it unless you know the cooking process which will be covered in our cooking lesson later in the year. Bring the bags to me and place them on my desk tomorrow with along with the VIAGRA and The white stuff. 

I look forward to grading your work tomorrow. Because you have so much work to do tonight I am going to let you leave early. Smitty I want you to stay after class and text the word UNSIGHTLY to me one thousand time. 

Class Dismissed

(Despite Harsh Critizizm from the Parent Teacher Association Mr. Drugs went on to win the Teacher of the Year, the following year)

The Clean Teens

My Friends and I used to hold an annual carwash to benefit ourselves. It was a wonderful time to be a teenager. There were six of us Bill, Brad, Bryan, Todd and Tim. We called ourselves the "The Clean Teens." 
  People in our town would pull up with frowns and pull out with a clean car and a smile. Seeing them smile made me feel a genuine sense of happiness and accomplishment. We spent all day in the sun with the radio turned all the way up. To me it seems like "Just What I Needed" By The Cars was the only song that was ever playing. Whenever I hear that song it brings me back to those long, hot, summer days full of laughter and hosing down cars with the guys. 
We probably should have been trying to score with the girls but with a nickname like "The Clean Teens" none of them wanted to talk to us. It was cool though we had other stuff to do like go to the auto zone and pick up new soaps and scrub brushes for our annual car wash. Another funny thing is that it was always called the Annual Car Wash even though it lasted the whole length of the summer. 
Hahaha. 

We sure used to have us a good laugh about that. "First annual, second annual how many more would there be?

We made it all the way to the fourth annual when tragedy struck. Bill and Brad got dropped off by Bryan's Mom at the usual gas station. But Todd and Tim were getting a ride from Todd's Grandpa who has a hard time driving as it is but things got worse when he had a hard attack and swerved into oncoming traffic. They were hit head on Killing Todd and His Grandpa and sending Tim to the Hospital for the rest of his life. I suppose it was the saddest day of my life. It ended our annual car wash business for good and slowly we went our separate ways.
 Bill and Brad moved to Denver and cooked up a really great recipe for Green Chili that they ended up selling to a chain restaurant. Bryan moved to Ohio with a girl he fell in love with. I stayed here and opened my own gas station called "The Cleaning Station" and guess what? It has a car wash. 

Every couple of months I go to visit Tim at the Hospital. He's in a vegetative state but I still talk to him. I tell him about the other guys and how things are going for me. I hope he can hear me. It breaks my heart to see my friend this way. He was so strong and it was all taken away for no reason. 
Pulling out of the hospital parking lot I turn on the radio to take my mind off things. But it's no use.  I'm about halfway home driving the old Lot we used to hold our annual car wash at. When Suddenly "Just what I Needed" starts to play and it gets me. I turn onto my street as the song finishes and slowly, silently I begin to cry.
 When I get out of the car I stare up at the moon and stars.  Closing my sad eyes I can remember the last time we were all together at the carwash for the last time. I see all of us laughing after Tim and Todd poured a whole bucket of suds on Brad's sister Stacy. 
 A broad smile seems to banish all feelings of sorrow. As if there is nothing else but the memories of better times. I have to hold onto them. 
Because it is the best days that make the worst days tolerable. Before going inside I speak out loud to Todd hoping that he can hear me. I tell him how much I miss him and how I hope his grandpa is doing alright up there. I wait a little while hoping for a response.  
I'm about to call it a night and as I open the door I hear it. Very softly as if floating on the easy wind I hear it. Almost a faint whisper that most people would miss. It's Todds voice "Clean Teens...Forever."

Big Flats Be True To Yourself

A few months ago some guests and I donned costumes in preparation for the delicate art of advertising.  You see we wanted to make a short commercial for one of our favorite cheap beers, perhaps even the greatest of all cheap beers. It's called Big Flats. Its brewed by Walgreen's I guess. The Best part is that it only costs $2.99 for a whole six pack. We bought like twenty six six packs. and then went to work on the filming of our commercial. It went great with the help of some friends but tragedy struck when I accidentally deleted all of our priceless footage. Unfortunately I have to report that the footage is lost forever. But in its stead we ended up recording a much shittier version of the original commercial idea. In the version you will see below it should be quite apparent to you that our entire cast and crew is inebriated to the point of no return. Please Drink Responsibly and enjoy the Show.

We are in no way affiliated with Big Flats in any official sense. It's just cheap beer for guys with no money looking to party. 

Snakes and Kittens Poem

Much has been written about a sweet little kitten

A glove and a mitten for fingers to fit in

So good for the getting for goodness sake

I brought my own pet a long white snake

Careful young cat don’t let the him provoke you

He’ll slink  and He’ll slither and slide up to choke you

So don’t play with snakes stick to chickens and goats

But make no mistake the snake can still hope

Of a poke and a stroke till your innards are broke

Then I play with my snake and start doing coke

My Friends are always Drunk

I have been quite busy and frantic this morning. Living life to the absolute fullest and richest. I enjoyed a refined breakfast of steak and eggs. The steak proved to be very nourishing and enriching to my tired frame. Upon leaving my place I stopped for coffee and a trip to the bank for a friendly conversation with a genuinely interested teller who really seemed to care about my deposit. There is much to do today. Some of my very best friends are calling me to meet them for drinks but its only 930 am...... Is that too early to get naughty?

Unsure of what to do I took a long stroll all the way to the lakefront where I came to rest upon a bench in the misty breeze of scenic lake Michigan. The lake is my favorite part of living in Chicago. I can remember when I first moved here I thought that living by the lake was like living by the ocean. Ha what a dumb ass. Actually I didn't really think that, I always knew the size of these large bodies of water. Speaking of bodies of water, isn't that what we are? We are flesh bags containing water and other goodies. I have a feeling that too much time has been spent on this subject for now.

Anyway. Listing to the sound of the lake I witnessed a bicycle rider punch an unsuspecting Asian man in the head as he rode by because the poor fellow was standing in the bike lane (Life in the bike Lane). Totally not cool bro. He should have just slapped his ass. Holy shit man. What the hell was that dudes problemo? I feel very aggravated by all the shit heads and dip shits here. My visit to the lake has been ruined. Back to the lab.

(Cue batman sound effects and spinning logo)

I spent a few hours writing in my trusty journal to calm my nerves and soothe my bitter frustrations. By comparison I am a new man, a better man, a more refined man than I had been earlier in the day. What a turn of events. As I look toward the evening I keep getting calls from my friends at the bar. I can't believe they are still drinking. Surely they are sustaining themselves by eating mini burgers and other appetizers. Should I meet them? Should I go out and try to be a good friend? Or should I stay home and sit alone in the dark plotting the demise of the corporate machine? I'm going out.

Cheery Point Part 2

Not so long ago I went down to Laurenceburg Kentucky to shoot an independent feature film called "Cheery Point." I am quite pleased to announce that this weekend I am headed back to Kentucky for an Exclusive Screening Of "Cheery Point" in  Louisville. 

You may recognize a certain Delivery Man early on in the trailer. Also there may be a somewhat familiar voice waiting for you at the end of the trailer. I am so honored that they used my voice and likeness. I would like to extend my gratitude to the cast for doing such a good job and also to the crew for making the cast look so cool. I can't wait to see all my friends at the screening and see the final product of all our hard work. Here's to you guys. 

This is the honorary Paser Dance

On a side note I just wanted to say that the week I spent on the farm with the cast and crew was an experience that I will always look back on fondly. Sometimes you have to hit the woods and wear boots and a vest for a week to really figure things out. Thank you for Everything. 

The French Connection

 

Upon waking up I decided to eat a lot of vitamins, some leftover pizza from last night and a warm bottle of Perrier. It all tasted delicious until I barfed everywhere and felt the wrath of Khan. 
Afterward I enjoyed a piping hot shower courtesy of peoples gas and my Brother Dane who paid the gas bill.
 Prior to Dane moving in my other rommate Jon and I suffered for two months at the evil hands of the Mr. Freeze. We learned how to overcome the struggles of a daily cold shower. Ice Cold.

After a cold shower I always felt like an extreme bad ass. When I boarded the Red line on my way to work I would look at other guys who had presume ably taken hot showers. I would look at these men and think that they were all weak. Weak inept fools who had the luxury of a nice hot shower. I wanted to follow one of them to work and kick open the door to their office and steal their lunch money. I was turning into a crazed beast because of the cold showers. But now we take hot showers as well. How Embarrassing. I am also a big fan of what I was told is called a Swedish shower where as you alternate between extreme heat and cold throughout the duration of the shower. Pick your poison ladies and gentlemen. In other news I took out all of my old journals that date back to 2004. I flipped through a lot of them and spent a few hours laughing out loud at my own retardedness. Reading gave way to a thirst for fresh air and coffee. I took a long walk around the neighborhood before retiring to the Starbucks on Fullerton. Walking around with my backpack on I am still young enough to pose as a college student. Ha ha. Isn't that so funny? When I got to Starbucks I ordered a coffee sat down and this great french music started playing and reminded me of that scene in Inglorious Basterds where Shoshanna is drinking reading and smoking cigarettes while similar music plays. I love that movie.