Fall like the Trees Poem

I say and say the trees that they sway
Some how and some way some now and some late
Some bow and some great some vow and some hate
Summer and spring break sun beach and some waves
I'm preaching my ways while I'm deep in the maze
Ive been speaking this way since the seasons have changed
so ive taken to raking and also waking and baking
its just a daily routine its a day in the making
I had it crackin and mackin but then I was wackin
She was gassin and passin so i fucked her whole ass in
Like a secret assasin with a mask and nun chucks
If you can't spot the sucker that's cuz ya fuckin suck
I live life like a walk through the leaves in the fall
in this life we are the leaves till the rake gets us all :( sorry...

Also does anyone think that the leaves that grow anew every season tell stories about the leaves that had grown before? By the way pardon the cursewords and the general lewd rude and foul language but Frankly my dear I just don't give a damn. All I know is that the Ultimate Warrior is totally out of control!!!!!

Dale The Angry Basketball Player

Last Summer I shot this film with a small crew on a couple of summer days. It's the story of this guy Dale who lost his brother in a tragic accident which has driven a wedge between Dale and his parents who blame him. He also blames himself and often vents by obsessive  bouts of cleaning and working out. He also gets really pissed of when his girlfriend calls and asks him about his appointments.  It's funny that he and I have the same name. Ultimately Dale and his Father meet after years of avoiding each other. Sadly I hurt my right leg in an undisclosed basketball accident at 4:15pm Dec. 14 2013 so the footage in the film is the last time I was able to run and jump like a young man. Now I walk like an old groundskeeper. I hope you enjoy the film which was written and Directed by Max Milner who has sent me a script for a romantic dramady yes dramady....I know it's crazy right? Joshua Lustig was the director of photography. Assistant Director David Law who has a style all his own was always quick with a joke to keep things loose. An entire bathroom was destroyed in the making of this film. Enjoy.  

 

Wild and Free

So much to do to touch and see

The way to live is wild and free

Be you or me who you can be

Open your eyes and finally see

I was watching "Dawn of the Dead 2004" last night and I was thinking about how when they are all trapped in the mall and the zombies keep rolling up with more peeps but the people inside the mall are all walking around using products and fucking around with shit kind of awaiting there eventual demise at the hands of the zombie hordes is kinda like us in real life. It's like the world is our mall with the zombies outside, you can do whatever you want but eventually you will be eaten by zombies. The zombies will eat your brains and your nose...in fact they would probably eat my balls if they had the chance. Anyway what I'm saying is that for all of us our time on earth is pretty limited and we mine as well get wild and be free spirited. In other zombie news I was also thinking about how maybe being a zombie would be kinda cool too because the zombie party don't stop. But then again they don't even really party they just eat people. I guess zombies are like really sloppy and vampires are more classy. I like how the guy that wrote "The Monster Mash claims that it would be all jolly and festive if the The Mummy and Dracula The Wolfman etc... rolled up to a party together. It would not be a good time, it would be a god forsaken bloodbath. It would be like the end of "Cabin in the Woods 2012." what the fuck is this guy talkin? I gotta go pick up some bacon and some bread for BLT Fridays. If you come by on Saturday its steak torta night. On Sundays we usually watch the game and eat wings. On Mondays its half price beers so your losing money if your not drinking. Then on Tuesdays $5 you call its. But if you come in on Wednesday I'll punch ya in the damn face!

Do The Things That Make You Great

Been thinking a lot lately about where life is going. Somebody told me that when your young you have health and time but no money, In middle age you have money and health but you have no time, finally when you are old you have lost your health but have plenty of time and money. What is worth the most to you? I woke up early this morning about 5AM and felt the need to go outside. 

I went out to the patio in the back of my apartment and laid on the cold concrete in the light of the sun watching a few morning clouds pass by. A bit cliche I guess but the neighbors probably thought it was funny.  Eventually I got up and decided not to go back to sleep but to actually put some hours into my real life. Because when I was down there on the ground I could feel the world on my back. I could see infinitely into the sky. The whole Health, Money, Time thing is wrong in my opinion you can have all three. In fact you already do because they are all actually the same thing, they are manifestations of your energy. 

The people you meet live on in your heart forever for your heart is your soul 

The question is who does your energy belong to? Don't let it fall into the wrong hands. My advice is to spend your time wisely and spend it on the only person that really matters in this life, yourself. I'm not saying be selfish I'm just saying that you need to make yourself a priority and stop letting other people control your life. It's yours go out and get it. I'm saying this as much to myself right now as I am to you. 

This is our wake up call. Stop talking about it and start doing it. Be ambitious. Think of failure as an achievement. Spend your time cultivating the skills and crafts that make you the best you. "Simply the best... Better than all the rest." When it's all said and done you want to be able to look back on your life and know that you did the best you could. I have been looking for inspiration and today I literally found it on the ground. You never know where opportunities will present themselves. Stay thirsty my friends. 

That's The Way Uh Huh Uh Huh I Like It

That's the way uh huh uh huh I like it. I have had that song in my head all day. Kind of taking a much needed day off to catch up on the finer things in life. went to the basketball court today and kicked every ones ass. My game has never been better. It only took about 8 years to learn the fucking sport. I'm literally listening to That's the way Uh Huh Uh Huh I like it on repeat over and over again for an indefinite period of undetermined time. but that's the way i like it. Who knows what the rest of tonight holds for our heroes but we will see what adventure awaits. 

My friend who is going through a break up called me and said that his girlfriend had sent him a text saying that she hated him and was over him and blah blah blah fucking blah blah blah blahbibitty blah blah blah blah. Anyway I told him to send her "That's The Way Uh Huh Uh Huh I Like It." It worked like a charm. do do do do do do do do do. 

Shnudweiser's and Bread

Seriously? How much fucking beef do we fucking need? I was at work the other day hauling beef with my friend Steve (who can lift a whole cow above his head) and we run out of room for beef storage. Steve looks over and says "HOW MUCH FUCKING BEEF DO WE NEED?" We both just start cracking up for like an hour. Then after that we had to wait forever for this bread delivery so we kept yelling "Hey! You Guys Need Any Fucking Bread?" We look like grownups but in reality we are just adult children. I am a 27 year old 8th grader. Anyway so at work we have this other thing where we at the syllable "shn" in place of the first syllable in a word. So "Coors" becomes "Shnoors" "Peter Francis Geraci" becomes "Shneter Shnancis Shnershnaci" I guess for longer words you add extra "shn" sounds for emphasis. My favorite thing to order at the bar lately is an ice cold "Shnudweiser" it's just so fun to say it with me now "Shnudweiser." I am deadly serious about actually buying a home brew kit and really making a beer called "Shnudweiser" Wouldn't that be hilarious? eh Whatever or something. So about half the time the bartender just smiles and brings back an ice cold Shnud but the other half of the time they just look at you all crazy and say "I'm sorry, did you say Sh Sh Shnudweiser?" I'm like "yes sir that's right "Shudweiser." Then there is this long pause before I have to actually drop the whole fun "Shn" sound game and spell it out for the guy "Just get me a fucking Budweiser!" Work is really fun. 

Its a mad mad mad mad mad world

Its a maddening maddening mad hatters mad hattering mad haters are chattering

the batter is battering all the stats are still staggering the badger was badgering unabashadley brandishing a badge from a bad German Sheppard black fur like a leopard without stripes and no checkers i was a wreck at the records i felt wretched in bed but it was all for the better

forever together in splendor where ever no wonder no never grow stronger go getter 

so weather the storm whether rich or in squalor from the top of the bucket to the bottomm of dollars to the loudest of whispers and softest of hollers. for the insomniac staying up four hundred hours

to the clean freak scrubbing dead skin in the showers 

the flesh eating disease it rips and devours 

but what about love and smelling the flowers. 

Hairstyles of the rich and homeless

I feel great. Even though I split the my eyebrow open the other night when I made the executive decision to headbutt some guy during a basketball game the other night. Even with this open wound on my face I was still able to make it out to McCormick place for the first time since I worked the auto show in February. It was my chance to learn about the competitive world of hair modeling. It went well. Its funny because you cant see what they are doing to you and you just see hair flying all over the place. I had done a hair modeling gig in the suburbs with my buddy Tanto a couple of years back 2007 I think. 
This one was for the American Beauty Show and was a lot more insane. The whole place (Mind you that McCormick place is big enough for dinosaurs to be playing full contact football) I went up there and it was crazy. A lot crazier than the auto show. I guess anytime you have that many people packed into a giant building. I just got a gig to doing voice overs for an independent animated feature film. All of my friends and family are doing well. People on facebook are all having great days. It's cold but spring is in the air. March 12th is going down in the books as a great day. I have been looking forward to more blogging now that the Internet gods have smiled kindly upon me. I have realized that the inter net is just a vehicle for your mind. its was keeping me up late the other night thinking that we all live in a giant building like McCormick place, like the Truman show. we are just cows feeding and biding our time. Is it all a game. Have I watched too many conspiracy videos to know whats real? Sitting here thinking about how the Internet is the matrix. The dream is real (the tag line from the inception promotional posters.) I feel good none the less. As I was saying the whole world is changing and moving forward. People are getting connected new friends are everywhere. Take advantage of every opportunity. seize the day. You are always becoming better or worse, decide which one you prefer. Best

-Von Deez

Cheery Point Part 2

Not so long ago I went down to Laurenceburg Kentucky to shoot an independent feature film called "Cheery Point." I am quite pleased to announce that this weekend I am headed back to Kentucky for an Exclusive Screening Of "Cheery Point" in  Louisville. 

You may recognize a certain Delivery Man early on in the trailer. Also there may be a somewhat familiar voice waiting for you at the end of the trailer. I am so honored that they used my voice and likeness. I would like to extend my gratitude to the cast for doing such a good job and also to the crew for making the cast look so cool. I can't wait to see all my friends at the screening and see the final product of all our hard work. Here's to you guys. 

This is the honorary Paser Dance

On a side note I just wanted to say that the week I spent on the farm with the cast and crew was an experience that I will always look back on fondly. Sometimes you have to hit the woods and wear boots and a vest for a week to really figure things out. Thank you for Everything. 

The French Connection

 

Upon waking up I decided to eat a lot of vitamins, some leftover pizza from last night and a warm bottle of Perrier. It all tasted delicious until I barfed everywhere and felt the wrath of Khan. 
Afterward I enjoyed a piping hot shower courtesy of peoples gas and my Brother Dane who paid the gas bill.
 Prior to Dane moving in my other rommate Jon and I suffered for two months at the evil hands of the Mr. Freeze. We learned how to overcome the struggles of a daily cold shower. Ice Cold.

After a cold shower I always felt like an extreme bad ass. When I boarded the Red line on my way to work I would look at other guys who had presume ably taken hot showers. I would look at these men and think that they were all weak. Weak inept fools who had the luxury of a nice hot shower. I wanted to follow one of them to work and kick open the door to their office and steal their lunch money. I was turning into a crazed beast because of the cold showers. But now we take hot showers as well. How Embarrassing. I am also a big fan of what I was told is called a Swedish shower where as you alternate between extreme heat and cold throughout the duration of the shower. Pick your poison ladies and gentlemen. In other news I took out all of my old journals that date back to 2004. I flipped through a lot of them and spent a few hours laughing out loud at my own retardedness. Reading gave way to a thirst for fresh air and coffee. I took a long walk around the neighborhood before retiring to the Starbucks on Fullerton. Walking around with my backpack on I am still young enough to pose as a college student. Ha ha. Isn't that so funny? When I got to Starbucks I ordered a coffee sat down and this great french music started playing and reminded me of that scene in Inglorious Basterds where Shoshanna is drinking reading and smoking cigarettes while similar music plays. I love that movie. 

Hanging With Frank

If your hanging with Frank you best bee feeling a buzz
Feeling better than ever better even on drugs

Never under the weather pull from under the rug

And when I’m feeling the love its even better because

Man I’m taking a trip I hit the road with my budz

And i'm taking Sip Mud Lite in my cup

And I’m taking a dip Gach & Chips and some chicks

Were at Lake Michigan chilling Buffalo Chicken Strips

Boom shakalaka we be the chief rockers
NBA jam kick it FIFA like soccer
We got the root beer and the whipped vodka
We act proper you are a malaka

Pop a couple pills until it ain't pretty
Ballpark Frank got the moves like Schmitty
At the strip club we all getting shitty
Big fat motherfucking titties in the city

Dinosaur DNA

It's been awhile since my last post. I apologize for that. But be assured that I am back and ready to play a little catch up. Here's something weird you can read on the shitter. 

 

Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen. My name is Sherlock Homeless. Tonight's presentation of Illegal Aliens Vs Sexual Predators is being interrupted by an important announcement from the Food Department Administration "Attention all carnivores, there has been a recent discovery of over 7420 tons of hot dogs, hamburgers, Italian style beef particles, sausages, meatballs, chicken breast, bratwurst and of course hog snouts of various size and density. All of the meat has been genetically altered and scientifically engineered using only the highest quality dinosaur DNA purchased for nominal charges on the black market in Thailand. The meat is then submerged in a vat of human fluids gathered from local bars, homeless shelters and port o johns. At this point the meat is soaked within a tub of chemicals and left to marinate for over three days in my basement. When the employees and scientists bring the meet into the kitchen it is layed upon the main prep table and tenderized in a large group frenzy in which all of the employees slap their genitals against the meat until it achieves optimal tenderness. Afterward several lumberjacks and chainsaw wielding maniacs chop and trim the meat into a gnarled bleeding pile of tissue. We then inject the meat with performance enhancing drugs and a extra large double mega frappaccino with little to no foam and a straw. While the meat is left to cook in the microwave for nearly four hours of slow roasted richness. We begin to prepare our side dishes. Three eggs placed inside a sweaty tube sock dunked inside a small bucket containing diced tomatoes and tuna fish matter. The bucket is to be swirled  for about ten minutes in a circular hula motion before pouring the contents into a dog bowl garnished with a real large dutch pretzel made of sourdough and sea salt. Serve the entire dish on a breakfast in bed style platter and proceed to watch Jurassic Park, Truly one of the greatest motion pictures of our time. God Bless America

Rock and Roll Man

"When I was growing up it was different man. It was all about rock and roll. Now It's all about bullshit. I have had enough of these wannabes and doppelgangers man. It's still here it hasn't gone anywhere, I don't know if you people just don't understand or you forgot or something. But It's not hard to see once you connect the dots. It's Rock and Roll Man......It's rock and roll. I often go to the record store to check out the rock and roll section afterward it is typical for me to eat beef sandwiches and talk about my ideals into a tape recorder that a friend gave me. It was a long day but like so many I forget why I even got up this morning or afternoon. A lot of people don't like Bob Seger. I like Bob Seger. I felt like he never got the respect he deserved. Against the wind is a fucking classic song. Still the same has angels singing backup. It was rock and roll man. Jim Morrison was Rock and Roll. The 80's was Rock and Roll. The Beatles Man, That was Rock and Fucking Roll. Kurt Cobain was Rock and Roll  Where is the fucking rock and roll nowadays. In the Past? NO IT'S Still Here. Living on in this strange man. This random dude who lives in a shit hole and loves rock and roll. He looks kind of familiar." 

From The Desk Of BallPark Frank

I get big in the paint like a big man on canvas
Frank on the globe write rhymes on the atlas
Make all the money to buy all the makers
On your mark get set on the plate like taters
Better now than laters i glide like the skaters
Always rip ass when i'm in the elavators
Darth like the vaders light saber tooth tigers
Watching us now in the eye of the fighter
Lit like a lighter cuz got spins like the dryer
Walking home looking like the man on the wire
I burn rubber like a fire breathing dragon with a magnum 
Condom i got at the spot when I bought gum 
Got some awesome nachos with cheese sauce and quac yo
An ice cream snickers and a choco taco
Got the tic tacs and tactics the stretch like elastic
I love the fans cuz they are fantastic 

Dale Fanella Working For A Living

Contact me at your leisure if you ever need a actor, performer, emcee, writer, model. I  also excel at hauling kegs and brand ambassador work.

No Exceptions No Excuses Part 1

I Workout!

I am happy to report that my "No Excuses No Exceptions" workout initiative has been going quite splendidly. Last week I clocked in about 10 hours of prison rules basketball with the local hoopers over at Wrightwood Park. (Jeez I hate it when people argue about fouls, quit crying.) Meanwhile over at the Wrigley rooftops (aka planet kegatron) I have been hauling the living shit out many many kegs. I have a few goals that I just want to mention in hopes that some readers will leave inspiring comments to inspire or hurtful comments to motivate. I aim to be able to do 100 push ups in a row on video by July 28th. I plan to Dunk a basketball in a game, on video by August 31st. Currently I can probably do about 50-60 push ups in a row and can dunk after warming up but not while people are trying to stop me. I need to gain a few inches on my vertical over the summer. The "No Excuses No Exceptions" ideals of strength and honor have carried over into the creative realm as well. I have recently started doing daily vocal workouts to learn all the aspects of my favorite instrument "the human voice." I cannot sing (not well anyway) but I dream of someday being able to do a mean impression of George Thoroughgood (singer of awesome tunes such as "Bad To The Bone" "I Drink Alone" "Who Do You Love?" and "One Bourbon, One Scotch And One Beer." I am actually about to do some vocal work right now before heading out to play prison ball. I love Wrightwood Park. Ball So Hard. I hope you all are getting it in this summer. Enjoy the day, it is yours for the milking. Adios Me Amigos. 

Pizza Monster Poem Part One

The sun came out and the moon set in

the alarm went off let the day begin

let the coffee brew and the shower steam

five more minutes to sleep and dream

but watch those minutes 

they sure add up

Have a bagel fill your cup

Read the Times and find your way

Be at work or play today is the day

The forest hum the ocean spray

the icy mist the sunny ray

the way we make the hours pass 

Infinite wisdom at our grasp 

father time is old and wise 

mother earth nurtures young vines

so drink the wines and clean the scrapes 

finish the paper review the tapes

take all the things you took for granted 

the overstated the understanded

the upper graded and under handed 

i read a pamphlet about the planet 

Going Green?  or Going Hamlet?

Going Hamlet I must say sir

Hamlet Going as it were

where is it here that fear we must

of gooey cheese and crunchy crust

tomato chunkage such a must

the pizza monster is after us.

Watch out because I will undoubtedly continue the story of the pizza monster and believe me when I tell you that it is going to be down right hilarious. 

Watch out for the Evil Pizza Monster

Graveyard Shift

I Have Been To The Mountaintop

Another late night for your pal Dale. Oh how I do love a good all nighter but I'm afraid the time has finally come for me to put a stop to this madness. You see for five long years now I have been working the graveyard shift here in FM world where I believe I have made the best of it. For what it's worth I stuck it out for a long time and tried hard to advance myself. During my time here I spent many many hours dedicated to study and self growth. I seriously feel like I have done so much studying here that by now I must have earned some kind of Special Edition Masters Degree. (Any Takers?) You might ask "What is the next step for my pal Dale?" Well to be honest my only real plan is to get out of here at the end of the night and as I walk outside breathe deeply while holding my hands high in the air before screaming for all to hear "I'm Back In The World!" It's like I've been trying to tell you guys. "You can't keep a good man down." Eight Days A Week by The Beatles is playing right now....what a good tune. That is one thing I am going to really miss about this gig.....the tunes. For about five years now they have felt like my tunes. This place has all the familiarity of home to me. Its a heavy feeling you know, leaving a place that feels like home for the last time. This will be an exciting new opportunity for growth and expansion. So glorious is the feeling of knowing that at least for the time being this is my last third shift for awhile. They call it the graveyard shift because the graveyard is where you are headed if you keep working one.  There is also this great short story by Stephen King (One of my Faves BTW) called "Graveyard Shift" about a awesome isolated small town textile mill that has become overrun by ravenous mutated rats/bats etc..... There is a movie adaption of this Epic short story which is also called "Graveyard Shift." I highly recommend watching as there are many scenes worth laughing at. I sure am gonna miss this place but on the flip side if I stay in this place any longer I sure am gonna miss out on a lot of chances for continued entertainment success. I guess I haven't written a post of this length since way back in November when I started this whole 1000waystoblog experiment. The experiment was to see if I could start a blog that didn't suck and sure as the sun rises this blog most definitely did not suck.  I cannot stress to you enough how important it is to me to never have to do another overnight shift. YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I'm so Excited and I just can't hide it. and I know I know I know I know I know I want to. A few songs have gone by since "Eight Days a Week" Now Phil Collins "In the Air Tonight" rules the airwaves. Some of the best and most revealing moments I have ever had were right here behind the control board under the shadow of night and the in the solitude of my own company. It has been a most excellent journey. "and Ive been waiting for this moment for all my life" The journey is not over but just changing as things on this earth tend to. "I can feel it coming in the air tonight." This song rules. Makes me feel like a cinematic bad ass every time I walk around with it playing.  Let me know if you or anyone you know is looking for a hard working young Actor, Entertainer, Interesting Barback, Comedic Writer Etc.....See you in the World. 

Cheery Point Part 1

I have a small role in an Independent film currently shooting on location in Kentucky. It's called "Cheery Point." Cheery Point takes place in an alternate future where the U.S. has been bombed and only sixteen states remain in the union. The story concerns the life of one man named Joshua Barrett who resides in the fictional town of Cheery Point. As a means of nullifying the mass amounts of panic and suffering the government issues a bill making it mandatory for all citizens to consume Torpase a fictional drug that renders the user completely void of any pain or emotion. Most Everyone in Cheery Point works for the T.D.D. The Torpase Distribution Division. Joshua's job is to take pictures of dead Springers (rebels who refuse Torpase and openly show emotion, an offense punishable by death. I play Sam the Torpase Delivery Man who is somewhat like a milkman or postman in his look and manner. Joshua is kidnapped by the leader of the Springers and there you have the beginnings of what will be an epic film due out this summer. Check out the site for Cheery Point. Here are some stills of me as Sam.

Please Help us finish this film by providing a charitable donation toward our cause. I am about to head down to Kentucky to finish our last week of filming. I will let you know how it goes. Wish me luck.

 

Laced Coffee Poem

One day I saw a sign 

"What kinda sign did you see?"

A giant billboard that said "(watch out for the laced coffee?)"

I blinked my eyes twice cuz I thought it said "Iced"

I sat there all day and long into the night

so deep were my thoughts i had a case of the thinks

it made me wanna stop for some food and some drinks 

the diner in flux with plate clanks and glass clinks  

I sat at a table unassuming, 

except for the other three people who sneered

back, back, back, they say while pushing me out of the way

But stay, stay, stay, I say I am the wart that wont go away 

even later in life when your old and your grey all the way to the end I'll be here to stay

so they left and I sat there got coffee and snacks like soup of the day and these new deli wraps

slaps on the table laughter rumbles like thunder i stare at my coffee and i started to wonder

now was it the smell or was it the taste one thing was for sure the coffee was laced

I paced to the bathroom to look in the mirror the sounds on my face i started to hear

strange prose from my nose bold lies from my eyes surprised by the highs that laced coffee provides

I Met Joe Black