Funky Drummer Son

Waiting alone at the train station the other night there was this old stuttering guy who kept staggering around and acting like a dumb ass. So I decided to leave because my night was ruined. I went walking around aimlessly for a long while searching for meaning, for purpose, for a thrill. I came upon an old underground juke joint that had all these dancers and real big shot types. There were also a few questionable street toughs sitting along the bar. I played some pool and bought a cigarette  from the bathroom attendant. Walking alone again I felt like one of the dogs from that movie with the voices of Robert Redford, Michael J. Fox and Rosie O'Donnell I believe they were called Shadow, Chance, and Sassy. What wonderful names. Far from home or some shit. Then I went to the all night burrito place to calm my nerves. This table of nerds was arguing the fate of the universe and then this girl sat down and very enthusiastically ordered some Chorizo. She was Beautiful. Blond and voluptuous, I was instantly attracted. I approached shyly and asked her to go on a date. She was excited. I was nervous but it did not show. I felt really confident and cool. Like those movie guys. Harrison Ford and shit. What's up ladies? I am here to ask you not to harass you. If you know what is up then you know I am talking to the Chorizo girl. 

That's Right Get It

Well it's too early to call yet but it would appear I have fallen behind in the Blogvember department. It's okay though I still have time to turn this boat around. On the way to the harbor I wanted to tell you about how for the last five days in a row I have gotten out of bed before six in the morning. You would not believe all the stuff you can get done in the morning. From bills to chores to laundry and floors, in the morning you can truly do it all. In a way its like adding an extra four hour block to your day that you otherwise would not have had. I am waking up early with an axe to grind. Kicking ass in the morning and kicking more ass in the evening. Not sure how long this little sleep schedule will last but in the meantime is suits me just fine. Also I wanted to bring up the notion that old people don't necessarily enjoy getting up early. I have come to believe that it is actually the fact that they physically cannot stay up late anymore that they just pass out and then by default just so happen to wake up early. I feel great but in some ways I feel like an old man. You guy's keep me young man. 

I offer these tips to getting up early. 

1. Go to bed early (millions of old people can't be wrong)

2. Get out of the house (you must transcend simply getting out of bed)

3. Workout outside in the freezing cold alone and with a vendetta (BallHard)

4. Drink a 20 oz columbian coffee a glass of chocolate milk a five hour energy and two bananas (The Dale Fanella Breakfast at 711) about $8.50 (That's Right Get It)

5. Take a hot shower and then turn it cold and then Get The Fuck Out! (Swedish)

Spring is in the Air

It feels so good to be back outside running around and having fun with my friends. It's finally spring again. I think that spring is highly under appreciated as a season. Summer gets to much credit. Although Chicago Summers are really great. What am I trying to say? Not sure really. Its so damn nice out I can hardly even stand sitting here at this god forsaken desk writing to you about this bull shit. I'm not angry or anything I just want to emphasize how unbelievably fucking nice it is outside right now! Right Here Right Now. Having fun again and making it look cool too. Oh yeah, Nobodies gonna bring me down. Sailing on Sailing on. Just Sailing on. Anyway Yesterday was pretty cool I got a ride out to the southwest suburbs where I recorded some voice overs for this animated feature about elves. I based the voice on this guy I know named Bradley who works at this bar called "The Store" It's a really great five a.m. shit hole. Well I caught a train back to the city and watched the Bulls in Triple OT through the window of the sport clips on Fullerton with about five other random guys. What a game, Nate Robinson had the game of his life. I went to the courts near my apartment and played prison ball for about two hours until a fight broke out because some guy blew a kiss at another guy. The game was ruined. I went home and drank brews for awhile catching up on mad men which is starting to suck or maybe it always sucked and I just didn't realize until now. Some really drunk dudes came over and we drank more brews and we recorded this video

After that we went out to that really great 5 a.m. shit hole I was talking about earlier "The Store" When we got there my brother ran into that fucking kid Eduardo so we had to tell him that he can go fucking suck his own fucking balls. 

Poem about Kicking Ass

In the future or in the past the time we have just doesnt last
before your told before your asked life will kick you in the ass
it'll happen fast this kick to the ass so fast that you'll have time to pass
and time to frolic laugh and play to live again another day
but if you stay theres a chance you risk it
an ass gets kicked most every instant 
elder or infant it aint no different
the talentless and truly gifted
relentless bad ass kicking schindig 

BoomShakaLaka!

Super Lyrical

Lyrically I’m like an athletic freak when I write

 So I’m tight at open mics that I frequent at night

 When I speak on the mic  in a beacon of light

 I’m kinda weird and i'm white but still keeping it hype

I need a miller lite! When I step off stages

 Take a seat at the bar with some hot babes and write pages

 I’m writin bars at bars with with local rap stars

 I’m writin bars at barbeques with dudes in my back yard

 Cuz art work pays off take no days off

 Work hard play soft smoke weed, play golf

 I often stop at coffee shops to sit and jot

  I get lost in thought with the ink I blot

  I sit and think a lot high off decent pot

 I never creep or stop whether I sleep or not

  I think this coffee drink I got is freaking hot

  Lyrically on a streak that can never be stopped

Brother Man

You can't stay on the farm forever. Eventually it's time to wake up and take your act to the city for a real evaluation. My brother tells me the best way to start fresh is to take a shower. 
 When we arrived at the hotel on orchard street. We ordered enough room service for ten people (we have been watching way to much man vs food lately) and ate enough for about 2 people.
 We walked over to the lake and told ourselves that today was gonna be different. Today we were gonna find out the real us, the inner us, the redeemed, the finally ready to be taught inner sage in all of us. We sat there listening to the lake and reading important books for nearly seven hours. 
Afterward we both felt more important prompting us to make reservations at a fancy restaurant. After the very sultry and polite host seated us we ate a salad before leaving early.
 My Brother told me that he felt bad for the host because every time she seated someone they would eventually leave. I told him that eventually everybody has to leave so that there are seats available. 
He nodded his head and we walked  for many miles of urban landscape before stopping at a local coffee bar to see if they had any coffee that was imported from other places. They did not like us very much. 
My Brother who always tells people what he thinks about them threatened to burn down the local coffee place. 
As we fled the scene this homeless guy stumbled out of an alley way and told us that "The same shit that happened to John Q happened to me." I'm not sure why but my Brother stabbed the homeless guy and we fled to Panama City Florida. How are things going for you back home?

Graveyard Shift

I Have Been To The Mountaintop

Another late night for your pal Dale. Oh how I do love a good all nighter but I'm afraid the time has finally come for me to put a stop to this madness. You see for five long years now I have been working the graveyard shift here in FM world where I believe I have made the best of it. For what it's worth I stuck it out for a long time and tried hard to advance myself. During my time here I spent many many hours dedicated to study and self growth. I seriously feel like I have done so much studying here that by now I must have earned some kind of Special Edition Masters Degree. (Any Takers?) You might ask "What is the next step for my pal Dale?" Well to be honest my only real plan is to get out of here at the end of the night and as I walk outside breathe deeply while holding my hands high in the air before screaming for all to hear "I'm Back In The World!" It's like I've been trying to tell you guys. "You can't keep a good man down." Eight Days A Week by The Beatles is playing right now....what a good tune. That is one thing I am going to really miss about this gig.....the tunes. For about five years now they have felt like my tunes. This place has all the familiarity of home to me. Its a heavy feeling you know, leaving a place that feels like home for the last time. This will be an exciting new opportunity for growth and expansion. So glorious is the feeling of knowing that at least for the time being this is my last third shift for awhile. They call it the graveyard shift because the graveyard is where you are headed if you keep working one.  There is also this great short story by Stephen King (One of my Faves BTW) called "Graveyard Shift" about a awesome isolated small town textile mill that has become overrun by ravenous mutated rats/bats etc..... There is a movie adaption of this Epic short story which is also called "Graveyard Shift." I highly recommend watching as there are many scenes worth laughing at. I sure am gonna miss this place but on the flip side if I stay in this place any longer I sure am gonna miss out on a lot of chances for continued entertainment success. I guess I haven't written a post of this length since way back in November when I started this whole 1000waystoblog experiment. The experiment was to see if I could start a blog that didn't suck and sure as the sun rises this blog most definitely did not suck.  I cannot stress to you enough how important it is to me to never have to do another overnight shift. YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I'm so Excited and I just can't hide it. and I know I know I know I know I know I want to. A few songs have gone by since "Eight Days a Week" Now Phil Collins "In the Air Tonight" rules the airwaves. Some of the best and most revealing moments I have ever had were right here behind the control board under the shadow of night and the in the solitude of my own company. It has been a most excellent journey. "and Ive been waiting for this moment for all my life" The journey is not over but just changing as things on this earth tend to. "I can feel it coming in the air tonight." This song rules. Makes me feel like a cinematic bad ass every time I walk around with it playing.  Let me know if you or anyone you know is looking for a hard working young Actor, Entertainer, Interesting Barback, Comedic Writer Etc.....See you in the World. 

The Joking Type

When I was a young boy, I used to eat chicken nuggets

But Now I put away them young boy ways

Now I'm living like a grown boy

Now I"m eating on the Buffalo Chicken Wings

Wings so good

come on baby eating wings so good

sometimes grub don't feel like it should

wings so good.

This is just a joke..

This whole post.

I feel that we are all entitled to have a little fun every once in awhile right

otherwise what is the point? Not having fun is for losers.

oh oh oh oh Jackie Bleu

Jackie Bleu Cheese lives her life in a low fat style

at the top of the Buffalo Chicken Pile

oh oh oh oh oh Jackie Bleu

The cheese is smelly and so are you

I mean its really all about the money but it is important to have fun at least once every few years to keep the moral up. Good Moral is a very undervalued natural resource. We could all use a little boost in moral

Fat Tire Please

The Suburban Invaders and I performed a show at The Redline Tap in Ravenswood on Sunday night. This is a unrehearsed improv moment from the show where we happened to be taking a little to long between songs and I simply tell the audience about this empty fat tire keg I brought with as a prop. Our new Drummer Rod was using it as part of his drum kit. I have been using the keg at home as part of my "No Exceptions, No Excuses" workout plan. After I simply point out the keg to the crowd, the whole band seems to jump on board and a whole ridiculous song about fat tire just seems to flow out of us. Just so you know, for all of the verses in the song I am impersonating this really great guy named Harry Fridas who often said "Fat Tire Please" and would always demand Fat Tire after doing odd jobs at work like mopping the whole floor or checking people in at the door. Last year Harry was deported back to Sydney Austrailia where there is no Fat Tire. Someday when I have more of a following, I plan on having an event called "Harry's Wild Show" where we would be the musical entertainment alongside some sketch and stand up comedy. The proceeds from the event would all go toward purchasing and exporting a whole Keg of Fat Tire to Harry who is currently living in Sydney. Harry If your reading this, I miss you man. I hope you like the song.

No Exceptions No Excuses Part 0

Lets get in the Gym!

For most of the year so far I have been slacking on my workouts. I never seem to be able to stick to any consistent regiment. Usually I get started and one of two things happens. 1. I get really drunk one night and the hangover is so brutal that I simply cannot workout the following day or I workout way to hard and the muscle soreness is so great that it makes me want to take a few days off. One of my roommates (David "Flashlight" West) has been putting in a lot of work at the gym and eating right. I see him making progress and it makes me want to improve my own physique. My seasonal job as The Most Interesting Barback In The World at The Wrigley Rooftops has started again and that means a lot of keg hauling.....even more incentive to get in better shape (those things are heavy) I am writing all this out to illustrate my current mindset and to announce that I will be publishing a post later this Summer as a follow up on my new workout plan which I am calling the "No Exceptions, No Excuses" workout plan. I'm mostly posting this so that all of you can read it and see if I stick to my word. Be on the lookout for all of the epic workout plans I have on the way. Lets get in shape this summer so we can get attention from hot babes. 

Dale Fanella

The Ten Keg Commandments

The Ten Keg Commandments

From "The Most Interesting Barback in the World"

10. Keep your Cooler Clean, it is a temple. Pay Tribute to Planet Kegatron! 

All Hail Kegatron

9. You can Haul Empty Kegs on an Empty stomach but you have to be Full in order to haul Full Kegs (About 175 lbs or so) Eat Plenty of McDonald's Breakfast Sandwiches (Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Biscuit preferably) Drink Coffee for energy.


8. Use proper Keg form (very similar to a Squat, Power Clean, Dead lift, but with an element of rowing)

7. Always remember that Kegs = American Muscle (Even if you are not from The States) 


7.5 Shout out to Harry Fridas from Australia who once single handedly hauled 100 Kegs of Fat Tire Amber Ale while working at The Wrigley Rooftops 773 Tickets. (Afterword he said "Fat Tire Please") 

Harry got deported but with your help we can export a keg of Fat Tire to him in Sydney

Kegman

6. If a keg is going to fall, just let it. (It might fall on your foot or you'll get a hernia trying to wrestle it. Just let it fall and do 25 push ups as customary with a Keg Foul. Drop a Fat Tire and do 50!)


5. No drinking on the job. Drinking IS the JOB!






4. If a girl asks you if you need help. Always say no. (unless she wants to help you drink Fat Tire.)


3. While Keg Hauling try not to let sweaty kegs press against your pant legs because you will have stains everywhere. 


2. During Work hours your keg coworkers (Keg men of America) are your fraternal brothers, treat them as such.


1. Never let the Kegs Run Dry!

Bonus Tip: While Keg Hauling, Remember to always shout "POW" In the style of Mark Walhberg from his workout video Form, Focus, Fitness  


Happy Hauling in 2012