That's Right Get It

Well it's too early to call yet but it would appear I have fallen behind in the Blogvember department. It's okay though I still have time to turn this boat around. On the way to the harbor I wanted to tell you about how for the last five days in a row I have gotten out of bed before six in the morning. You would not believe all the stuff you can get done in the morning. From bills to chores to laundry and floors, in the morning you can truly do it all. In a way its like adding an extra four hour block to your day that you otherwise would not have had. I am waking up early with an axe to grind. Kicking ass in the morning and kicking more ass in the evening. Not sure how long this little sleep schedule will last but in the meantime is suits me just fine. Also I wanted to bring up the notion that old people don't necessarily enjoy getting up early. I have come to believe that it is actually the fact that they physically cannot stay up late anymore that they just pass out and then by default just so happen to wake up early. I feel great but in some ways I feel like an old man. You guy's keep me young man. 

I offer these tips to getting up early. 

1. Go to bed early (millions of old people can't be wrong)

2. Get out of the house (you must transcend simply getting out of bed)

3. Workout outside in the freezing cold alone and with a vendetta (BallHard)

4. Drink a 20 oz columbian coffee a glass of chocolate milk a five hour energy and two bananas (The Dale Fanella Breakfast at 711) about $8.50 (That's Right Get It)

5. Take a hot shower and then turn it cold and then Get The Fuck Out! (Swedish)

That Shark Can Suck My Balls

Blogvember continues today with a brand new edition. 

It was a bright morning on the sunny beach. Allen and Pamela were walking along the waterfront throwing stones and talking about dogs. "Oh Allen I love dog's so much!" "yea I know." Allen replied. Just then a medium sized dog seemed to just walk out of the water and shake itself off. "Hey look at that dog" The dog pranced around and licked its own balls for a good five to ten minutes before wandering over to Allen and Pamela. Pamela started getting all friendly with the dog and was like letting it lick her face after it had already licked it's own balls. So Allen being the jealous type got all pissed off and was like "Fuck You" so he started trying to lick his own balls. After several hours of trying to suck his own balls, Allen finally gave up. By this time Pamela and the dog had left together in Allen's sleek sports car with all the cool secret compartments and shit. Allen had an idea of how maybe, just maybe someone might suck his balls. He dove into the water and began to swim with all of his strength. Allen took a very deep breath and started his descent. After swimming for what seemed like forever Allen was greeted by a shark face to face. Allen was calm. The Shark circled Allen a few times giving him a hard glance. Allen didn't flinch and soon the shark sensing no fear swam away into the depths. Allen was out of air and needed to get the surface but he had gone too far. Allen sensing his imminent demise had a flood of thoughts regarding his life and times. He thought about the beach and Pamela, his sports car, the dog, his own balls, and finally his showdown with the shark. He recalled how he had been unafraid in that moment and considered this the bravest act of his whole life. Like on another level and shit. As this realization hit him he became truly happy with himself and his life. Just then a really busty and hot mermaid with a nice fin swam up to give Allen some much needed air. She took Allen by the hand and led him to the busty mermaid city where he was sure to have his balls sucked in an underwater setting for all of time. The End. 

Do The Things That Make You Great

Been thinking a lot lately about where life is going. Somebody told me that when your young you have health and time but no money, In middle age you have money and health but you have no time, finally when you are old you have lost your health but have plenty of time and money. What is worth the most to you? I woke up early this morning about 5AM and felt the need to go outside. 

I went out to the patio in the back of my apartment and laid on the cold concrete in the light of the sun watching a few morning clouds pass by. A bit cliche I guess but the neighbors probably thought it was funny.  Eventually I got up and decided not to go back to sleep but to actually put some hours into my real life. Because when I was down there on the ground I could feel the world on my back. I could see infinitely into the sky. The whole Health, Money, Time thing is wrong in my opinion you can have all three. In fact you already do because they are all actually the same thing, they are manifestations of your energy. 

The people you meet live on in your heart forever for your heart is your soul 

The question is who does your energy belong to? Don't let it fall into the wrong hands. My advice is to spend your time wisely and spend it on the only person that really matters in this life, yourself. I'm not saying be selfish I'm just saying that you need to make yourself a priority and stop letting other people control your life. It's yours go out and get it. I'm saying this as much to myself right now as I am to you. 

This is our wake up call. Stop talking about it and start doing it. Be ambitious. Think of failure as an achievement. Spend your time cultivating the skills and crafts that make you the best you. "Simply the best... Better than all the rest." When it's all said and done you want to be able to look back on your life and know that you did the best you could. I have been looking for inspiration and today I literally found it on the ground. You never know where opportunities will present themselves. Stay thirsty my friends. 

Its a mad mad mad mad mad world

Its a maddening maddening mad hatters mad hattering mad haters are chattering

the batter is battering all the stats are still staggering the badger was badgering unabashadley brandishing a badge from a bad German Sheppard black fur like a leopard without stripes and no checkers i was a wreck at the records i felt wretched in bed but it was all for the better

forever together in splendor where ever no wonder no never grow stronger go getter 

so weather the storm whether rich or in squalor from the top of the bucket to the bottomm of dollars to the loudest of whispers and softest of hollers. for the insomniac staying up four hundred hours

to the clean freak scrubbing dead skin in the showers 

the flesh eating disease it rips and devours 

but what about love and smelling the flowers. 

Working Title

Looking around online for acting work for most of the afternoon today. One of my many afternoons spent on a "Starbucks web session." I get such a kick out of calling it that. Looking for jobs is tedious and requires constant hydration and supervision. Many people fall victim to the dreaded online news sites that are just full of bullshit. I suppose you have to get your news somewhere but not me. I'm busy looking for acting gigs. Which is tough when there are so many babes at Starbucks. (How is a young man supposed to concentrate on a Starbucks web session when there are hot babes crawling all over the place. The entire Starbucks is being overtaken by the hottest girls on the planet. Oh please no don't get naked...not all of you. They are all getting naked and rubbing hot liquids all over each other. Oh Jeez the sounds of wet flesh slapping together the smells of passion in the air. It's too much. My web session is a very difficult and arduous one today. As it stands I have no idea how to do anything except for stare at all of the sexy smoking hot babes getting down and dirty here at Starbucks. What  a day. In other news I have recently started living in a military style barracks with several other men of varying age and ethnic background. We are an elite unit. We have been training for the winter games for weeks now and our preparation is nearly complete. We will have our vengeance and those who have crossed us will know the taste of our freshly cleaned boots. We woke up pretty early today and enjoyed a nice breakfast together. The braved the barren cold of the local park for some pt and eventually we found our way to this Starbucks for a nice web session which was ruined by the many many many drop dead gorgeous babes now getting full on hard core super porn style motherfuckers to the max. I think I have a coffee buzz. Oh shit. I have to go to work. Let me know if you have any acting work for me. Please. 

The Eternal Question

the pain and the greed the need for green weed
so hungry and dazed if i ever get blazed
but to settle a score for once and for all
would you rather have weed or adderall
now weed indeed is off the wall
but what about the adderall 
it makes me want to clean and grind
so anxious i could lose my mind
but one for all the rest of time
to pop a pill or smoke a dime?
to rip a bong or snort a line?
but wait a minute kindly folks
Now Ive been known to tell some jokes
of prescription pills and taking tokes
now what if it was all a hoax
that there is only one
when there is two theres twice to do
both weed and adderrall for you 
so you can balance out the hits 
with crushing up and taking sniffs
each one is yours these treasured gifts
now have a beer and take some sips

America

Mr. Drugs

Good Morning Class. Now that the Teacher's Strike has been settled I will be your teacher for the rest of the school year. My name..... is Mr. Drugs. It is pronounced "Droogs" not "Drugs" and as I see some of you snickering I already know that this is going to be and interesting year for this class. I wonder. By a show of hands, how many of you have prescriptions for Adderall. Okay. For all those of you who have prescriptions for Adderall, you may go to recess. All the rest of you will be going down to the nurses office where you are going to tell her that you are having concentration problems. 

Good Morning Class. You all look awake. Now that you all have your required prescriptions for Adderall it is time for you first assignment. I want you all to go home tonight and in the dark of night go into your bottle of Adderall and bring me five of them. Five Adderall from each of you placed in rows on my desk tomorrow morning or you will drop a whole grade level. 

Good Morning Class. Thank you for completing your assignment and to celebrate I am happy to announce that it is now time for your first spelling lesson The Word of the day is XANAX for your second assignment I want you all to go home tonight being extra careful that no one sees you go behind your mothers bathroom mirror and look for a bottle with today's spelling word XANAX written on it and bring the pills to my desk in the morning. Because you have all been so good about completing your adderall assignment I have decided that for the rest of the day we will be watching "Limitless" starring Bradley Cooper as a drug fueled entrepreneur. You don't have to take notes but try to notice the symbolism of how his drug is basically adderall. 

Good Morning Class. I am very pleased to see that you have all completed you second assignment congratulations. At this time I would like all of you to take out your iPhone I want you to text me photo each of your mothers in a bikini. Except for you Smitty, you don't have to complete this assignment in fact you can have extra credit for not doing it. But for the rest of you it is mandatory. The pictures are part of my notes for the upcoming parent teacher conferences. For those of you with large breasted mothers there will be a bonus. That is all for now.....

Class I have been nice to you so far but now I am starting to get angry. Last night I was in the middle of  a long work session that involved studying your mothers photos in my bedroom when Smitty whom I had specifically told not to send me any photo whatsoever decided to send me a photo of his mother who shall we say is quite...unsightly. My night was ruined and now as result you are going to have two assignments today. Tell Suri or write this down or whatever method of note taking works for you. 

Assignment 4: I want you to go into your fathers office and look inside his desk for white powder in some kind of container or bag. It will taste very bitter but don't have to much because it's only for grownups. 

Assignment 5: Visit your Grandfathers home and look next to his bed where there are sure to be a variety of pill bottles. Look among them and find toady's spelling word which is VIAGRA. They are for a friend a very old friend who needs them. they are not for me. Kindly Bring in about five pills each they are blue. 

 I have added an extra assignment because during lunch I was eating and the mere thought of Smitty's mothers unsightliness made me lose my appetite. 

Assignment 6: Tonight while your older brother is asleep go into his bedroom and look inside his dresser for a some green stuff in a plastic bag. It will smell very much like skunk but somehow more pleasant. Don't eat it unless you know the cooking process which will be covered in our cooking lesson later in the year. Bring the bags to me and place them on my desk tomorrow with along with the VIAGRA and The white stuff. 

I look forward to grading your work tomorrow. Because you have so much work to do tonight I am going to let you leave early. Smitty I want you to stay after class and text the word UNSIGHTLY to me one thousand time. 

Class Dismissed

(Despite Harsh Critizizm from the Parent Teacher Association Mr. Drugs went on to win the Teacher of the Year, the following year)

Rock and Roll Man

"When I was growing up it was different man. It was all about rock and roll. Now It's all about bullshit. I have had enough of these wannabes and doppelgangers man. It's still here it hasn't gone anywhere, I don't know if you people just don't understand or you forgot or something. But It's not hard to see once you connect the dots. It's Rock and Roll Man......It's rock and roll. I often go to the record store to check out the rock and roll section afterward it is typical for me to eat beef sandwiches and talk about my ideals into a tape recorder that a friend gave me. It was a long day but like so many I forget why I even got up this morning or afternoon. A lot of people don't like Bob Seger. I like Bob Seger. I felt like he never got the respect he deserved. Against the wind is a fucking classic song. Still the same has angels singing backup. It was rock and roll man. Jim Morrison was Rock and Roll. The 80's was Rock and Roll. The Beatles Man, That was Rock and Fucking Roll. Kurt Cobain was Rock and Roll  Where is the fucking rock and roll nowadays. In the Past? NO IT'S Still Here. Living on in this strange man. This random dude who lives in a shit hole and loves rock and roll. He looks kind of familiar." 

Dale Fanella Working For A Living

Contact me at your leisure if you ever need a actor, performer, emcee, writer, model. I  also excel at hauling kegs and brand ambassador work.

The Joking Type

When I was a young boy, I used to eat chicken nuggets

But Now I put away them young boy ways

Now I'm living like a grown boy

Now I"m eating on the Buffalo Chicken Wings

Wings so good

come on baby eating wings so good

sometimes grub don't feel like it should

wings so good.

This is just a joke..

This whole post.

I feel that we are all entitled to have a little fun every once in awhile right

otherwise what is the point? Not having fun is for losers.

oh oh oh oh Jackie Bleu

Jackie Bleu Cheese lives her life in a low fat style

at the top of the Buffalo Chicken Pile

oh oh oh oh oh Jackie Bleu

The cheese is smelly and so are you

I mean its really all about the money but it is important to have fun at least once every few years to keep the moral up. Good Moral is a very undervalued natural resource. We could all use a little boost in moral

Top Ten Things That Matter In Everyday Life

Punctuality

Making a late payment and showing up late are essentially the same thing.  When you show up late, you are not only wasting other peoples time (bringing down moral) but giving the impression that you are incompetent.  My coach used to say "Being 15 minutes early is better than being 5 minutes late." Sometimes you can't help it and when that happens just take responsibility for what happened, nobody likes excuses. Time is money, how are you spending yours? No one ever got fired for being early.  

Appearance

Most of the time a simple costume is all the audience needs to believe in a character. In our society we all  label/judge people based on the clothing they wear or don't wear. Don't let your fashion choices send the wrong message about you. Take pride in your appearance and remember that someone is always watching. Make sure that when you engage in a job or activity you at least look the part. People always judge a book by its cover. Often times what you see, really is what you get.  Just ask this guy.