Shnudweiser's and Bread

Seriously? How much fucking beef do we fucking need? I was at work the other day hauling beef with my friend Steve (who can lift a whole cow above his head) and we run out of room for beef storage. Steve looks over and says "HOW MUCH FUCKING BEEF DO WE NEED?" We both just start cracking up for like an hour. Then after that we had to wait forever for this bread delivery so we kept yelling "Hey! You Guys Need Any Fucking Bread?" We look like grownups but in reality we are just adult children. I am a 27 year old 8th grader. Anyway so at work we have this other thing where we at the syllable "shn" in place of the first syllable in a word. So "Coors" becomes "Shnoors" "Peter Francis Geraci" becomes "Shneter Shnancis Shnershnaci" I guess for longer words you add extra "shn" sounds for emphasis. My favorite thing to order at the bar lately is an ice cold "Shnudweiser" it's just so fun to say it with me now "Shnudweiser." I am deadly serious about actually buying a home brew kit and really making a beer called "Shnudweiser" Wouldn't that be hilarious? eh Whatever or something. So about half the time the bartender just smiles and brings back an ice cold Shnud but the other half of the time they just look at you all crazy and say "I'm sorry, did you say Sh Sh Shnudweiser?" I'm like "yes sir that's right "Shudweiser." Then there is this long pause before I have to actually drop the whole fun "Shn" sound game and spell it out for the guy "Just get me a fucking Budweiser!" Work is really fun. 

Its a mad mad mad mad mad world

Its a maddening maddening mad hatters mad hattering mad haters are chattering

the batter is battering all the stats are still staggering the badger was badgering unabashadley brandishing a badge from a bad German Sheppard black fur like a leopard without stripes and no checkers i was a wreck at the records i felt wretched in bed but it was all for the better

forever together in splendor where ever no wonder no never grow stronger go getter 

so weather the storm whether rich or in squalor from the top of the bucket to the bottomm of dollars to the loudest of whispers and softest of hollers. for the insomniac staying up four hundred hours

to the clean freak scrubbing dead skin in the showers 

the flesh eating disease it rips and devours 

but what about love and smelling the flowers. 

Big Flats Be True To Yourself

A few months ago some guests and I donned costumes in preparation for the delicate art of advertising.  You see we wanted to make a short commercial for one of our favorite cheap beers, perhaps even the greatest of all cheap beers. It's called Big Flats. Its brewed by Walgreen's I guess. The Best part is that it only costs $2.99 for a whole six pack. We bought like twenty six six packs. and then went to work on the filming of our commercial. It went great with the help of some friends but tragedy struck when I accidentally deleted all of our priceless footage. Unfortunately I have to report that the footage is lost forever. But in its stead we ended up recording a much shittier version of the original commercial idea. In the version you will see below it should be quite apparent to you that our entire cast and crew is inebriated to the point of no return. Please Drink Responsibly and enjoy the Show.

We are in no way affiliated with Big Flats in any official sense. It's just cheap beer for guys with no money looking to party.