Funky Drummer Son

Waiting alone at the train station the other night there was this old stuttering guy who kept staggering around and acting like a dumb ass. So I decided to leave because my night was ruined. I went walking around aimlessly for a long while searching for meaning, for purpose, for a thrill. I came upon an old underground juke joint that had all these dancers and real big shot types. There were also a few questionable street toughs sitting along the bar. I played some pool and bought a cigarette  from the bathroom attendant. Walking alone again I felt like one of the dogs from that movie with the voices of Robert Redford, Michael J. Fox and Rosie O'Donnell I believe they were called Shadow, Chance, and Sassy. What wonderful names. Far from home or some shit. Then I went to the all night burrito place to calm my nerves. This table of nerds was arguing the fate of the universe and then this girl sat down and very enthusiastically ordered some Chorizo. She was Beautiful. Blond and voluptuous, I was instantly attracted. I approached shyly and asked her to go on a date. She was excited. I was nervous but it did not show. I felt really confident and cool. Like those movie guys. Harrison Ford and shit. What's up ladies? I am here to ask you not to harass you. If you know what is up then you know I am talking to the Chorizo girl. 

Quest Love

In the Night, Till the Dawn 
What the Fuck is Going On
Like a Swan you Can Change
Sometime Life ain't all That Strange
Through the Range, in the Grove
Down the Coast, along the Cove
I row and Rove all across the Globe
Rearrange your Mold In the Cut or the fold
In the gutter and hold you gotta grow like the Mold Be Bold
Fortuitous Bitches Think It's Fun to have Riches
Succumb to Sex and you Bet You'll have Dishes
Successfulness only comes with stress
To be the best you gotta beat the rest 
Don't just beat your chest go achieve your quest

Wild and Free

So much to do to touch and see

The way to live is wild and free

Be you or me who you can be

Open your eyes and finally see

I was watching "Dawn of the Dead 2004" last night and I was thinking about how when they are all trapped in the mall and the zombies keep rolling up with more peeps but the people inside the mall are all walking around using products and fucking around with shit kind of awaiting there eventual demise at the hands of the zombie hordes is kinda like us in real life. It's like the world is our mall with the zombies outside, you can do whatever you want but eventually you will be eaten by zombies. The zombies will eat your brains and your nose...in fact they would probably eat my balls if they had the chance. Anyway what I'm saying is that for all of us our time on earth is pretty limited and we mine as well get wild and be free spirited. In other zombie news I was also thinking about how maybe being a zombie would be kinda cool too because the zombie party don't stop. But then again they don't even really party they just eat people. I guess zombies are like really sloppy and vampires are more classy. I like how the guy that wrote "The Monster Mash claims that it would be all jolly and festive if the The Mummy and Dracula The Wolfman etc... rolled up to a party together. It would not be a good time, it would be a god forsaken bloodbath. It would be like the end of "Cabin in the Woods 2012." what the fuck is this guy talkin? I gotta go pick up some bacon and some bread for BLT Fridays. If you come by on Saturday its steak torta night. On Sundays we usually watch the game and eat wings. On Mondays its half price beers so your losing money if your not drinking. Then on Tuesdays $5 you call its. But if you come in on Wednesday I'll punch ya in the damn face!

Working Title

Looking around online for acting work for most of the afternoon today. One of my many afternoons spent on a "Starbucks web session." I get such a kick out of calling it that. Looking for jobs is tedious and requires constant hydration and supervision. Many people fall victim to the dreaded online news sites that are just full of bullshit. I suppose you have to get your news somewhere but not me. I'm busy looking for acting gigs. Which is tough when there are so many babes at Starbucks. (How is a young man supposed to concentrate on a Starbucks web session when there are hot babes crawling all over the place. The entire Starbucks is being overtaken by the hottest girls on the planet. Oh please no don't get naked...not all of you. They are all getting naked and rubbing hot liquids all over each other. Oh Jeez the sounds of wet flesh slapping together the smells of passion in the air. It's too much. My web session is a very difficult and arduous one today. As it stands I have no idea how to do anything except for stare at all of the sexy smoking hot babes getting down and dirty here at Starbucks. What  a day. In other news I have recently started living in a military style barracks with several other men of varying age and ethnic background. We are an elite unit. We have been training for the winter games for weeks now and our preparation is nearly complete. We will have our vengeance and those who have crossed us will know the taste of our freshly cleaned boots. We woke up pretty early today and enjoyed a nice breakfast together. The braved the barren cold of the local park for some pt and eventually we found our way to this Starbucks for a nice web session which was ruined by the many many many drop dead gorgeous babes now getting full on hard core super porn style motherfuckers to the max. I think I have a coffee buzz. Oh shit. I have to go to work. Let me know if you have any acting work for me. Please. 

Poem about Kicking Ass

In the future or in the past the time we have just doesnt last
before your told before your asked life will kick you in the ass
it'll happen fast this kick to the ass so fast that you'll have time to pass
and time to frolic laugh and play to live again another day
but if you stay theres a chance you risk it
an ass gets kicked most every instant 
elder or infant it aint no different
the talentless and truly gifted
relentless bad ass kicking schindig 

BoomShakaLaka!

Big Flats Be True To Yourself

A few months ago some guests and I donned costumes in preparation for the delicate art of advertising.  You see we wanted to make a short commercial for one of our favorite cheap beers, perhaps even the greatest of all cheap beers. It's called Big Flats. Its brewed by Walgreen's I guess. The Best part is that it only costs $2.99 for a whole six pack. We bought like twenty six six packs. and then went to work on the filming of our commercial. It went great with the help of some friends but tragedy struck when I accidentally deleted all of our priceless footage. Unfortunately I have to report that the footage is lost forever. But in its stead we ended up recording a much shittier version of the original commercial idea. In the version you will see below it should be quite apparent to you that our entire cast and crew is inebriated to the point of no return. Please Drink Responsibly and enjoy the Show.

We are in no way affiliated with Big Flats in any official sense. It's just cheap beer for guys with no money looking to party. 

Brother Man

You can't stay on the farm forever. Eventually it's time to wake up and take your act to the city for a real evaluation. My brother tells me the best way to start fresh is to take a shower. 
 When we arrived at the hotel on orchard street. We ordered enough room service for ten people (we have been watching way to much man vs food lately) and ate enough for about 2 people.
 We walked over to the lake and told ourselves that today was gonna be different. Today we were gonna find out the real us, the inner us, the redeemed, the finally ready to be taught inner sage in all of us. We sat there listening to the lake and reading important books for nearly seven hours. 
Afterward we both felt more important prompting us to make reservations at a fancy restaurant. After the very sultry and polite host seated us we ate a salad before leaving early.
 My Brother told me that he felt bad for the host because every time she seated someone they would eventually leave. I told him that eventually everybody has to leave so that there are seats available. 
He nodded his head and we walked  for many miles of urban landscape before stopping at a local coffee bar to see if they had any coffee that was imported from other places. They did not like us very much. 
My Brother who always tells people what he thinks about them threatened to burn down the local coffee place. 
As we fled the scene this homeless guy stumbled out of an alley way and told us that "The same shit that happened to John Q happened to me." I'm not sure why but my Brother stabbed the homeless guy and we fled to Panama City Florida. How are things going for you back home?

I Got The Bugers Burgers Burgers Burgers Burgers

Sunday afternoon sitting in the cool breeze eating an American burger. What could be better. I ate burgers everyday for one summer. I wish I had stats on my lifetime of burgers. Todays Burger was unique. I had been craving burgers all day and finally decided to make the dreaded burger walk. On the way I saw a Panera bread and I kind of wanted to get my soup on but it was all for not. I continued on my journey and eventually made contact with a burger retail outlet known as Five Guys Even though there was more than five guys running the place. I got the burgers burgers burgers burgers burgers burgers burgers burgers burgers burgers. I also got fries. Men's Health says that five guys meals are bad for you but I don't care because they taste good and Burgers are American. Now Every Sunday I go for a long adventure walk and treat myself to some good old American Cuisine. MMMM MMMM MMMMM so tasty. Hot Burgers and Fries Made To Order. I am not even getting paid for this. I just really like the burgers. Sometimes when I meet people for the first time I ask them "Excuse Me Do You Have Burgers?"