Dale The Angry Basketball Player

Last Summer I shot this film with a small crew on a couple of summer days. It's the story of this guy Dale who lost his brother in a tragic accident which has driven a wedge between Dale and his parents who blame him. He also blames himself and often vents by obsessive  bouts of cleaning and working out. He also gets really pissed of when his girlfriend calls and asks him about his appointments.  It's funny that he and I have the same name. Ultimately Dale and his Father meet after years of avoiding each other. Sadly I hurt my right leg in an undisclosed basketball accident at 4:15pm Dec. 14 2013 so the footage in the film is the last time I was able to run and jump like a young man. Now I walk like an old groundskeeper. I hope you enjoy the film which was written and Directed by Max Milner who has sent me a script for a romantic dramady yes dramady....I know it's crazy right? Joshua Lustig was the director of photography. Assistant Director David Law who has a style all his own was always quick with a joke to keep things loose. An entire bathroom was destroyed in the making of this film. Enjoy.  

 

The Rooftop Exit Guard

From Demonic Recession comes Economic Possesion
Pro Choice no Progression Having Less is the Lesson 
i'm a teacher no freshman put you to the test then
go stay at the west into go get some rest in
I'm best in Dark Roles evil eyes and a nose
from open to close oh the life that I chose
put people in rows have em coming to my shows
so cold the mic froze frost bite on my toes
ball just like d rose adidas on my clothes
watch your tongue and your sole try on my shoes 
so you know just how my life goes
and then i saw benny running with the bulls
friends and them foes, enemies and them bro's 
empties and them full's, meet the miller's and the coor's
the path and the course, regret and remorse
the windows and the doors, yo Franky sing the chorus

I'm on the rooftop exit gaurd
Diner on the boulevard (Diner on Boulevard)
Young BallHard
Cuz I'm always Ballin Hard (Always Ballin Hard)

Whatever or Something

A very important message from the commander elite. The most extreme physical stages will be preceded by a mental stage a discombobulated stage and a stage set constructed by an organized team of lizard performers in full on silver costumes. First we will have a feast among the stars and the most glamorous planets. I'm so excited about it. In other news there will be a four am cook off in the underwater tank below the shed in my neighbors barn, don't forget to bring your toothbrush. Meanwhile across town Snake Sanders and his dirty henchmen were hiding out in an abandoned box factory. "What are we gonna do Snake?" "Shut up you Fuck" Snake Sanders was a man of few words. Previously on running pains. "ouch dude I have a cramp from running so much. " "oh that sucks dude, I'll tell my dad about it." In the last four months there have been approximately four former founding fantastic four members remembered by those who forgot and those who are still willing to forget. In a smoky bar in the scruffy outskirts of town Billy sat alone drinking a glass of straight scotch that somebody bought him as a gift. "Gee Thanks?" He wondered aloud, unsure if he was truly thankful. Hold on Steve, I gotta make an announcement. "Attention all employees anyone seen using a white mop on the wood floor will be swiftly sent home and possibly terminated. Kindly use the more advanced blue mops and you will remain long into the season. That is all." I think it went something like that but who's counting. If you all will join me in applause I would like to welcome the man the myth the leg end yes I do me the end of a leg and not a myth or legend. I mean a foot at the end or bottom of a persons leg. Get it Leg End. Ha (shoots self in head) ha. You ever just let it ride and not really censor any crazy shit. Why not? Fuck em.

Franky Diesel aka Mr. Chorizo

Who really knows where the red fern grows?
I won then I wondered for once I suppose

I went ear to ear smelling like a rose

lost by the eyes and won by a nose

I make fear afraid I scare the scarecrow's 
Fuck he who walks behind the rows
I suppose I could pose but don't tag me in that photo
I got that chicken and risotto but you already know though
Got my slinky and my yo yo and my twinky for the ho hos
I block shots like Hope Solo got my khakis and a polo
they call me senor solo on that Gracia's por todo 
hot chicks be like oh no, roll with samwise and that frodo
similar to Mr. Crackle everyday I'm Crackling 

Feels so good to be back again and cracking

And don't cut me slack cuz I'm never slacking

I'm Weed Whacking and Stacking also Bossin and Flossin

The U.S. is Awesome, Fuck those brothers from Boston

Quest Love

In the Night, Till the Dawn 
What the Fuck is Going On
Like a Swan you Can Change
Sometime Life ain't all That Strange
Through the Range, in the Grove
Down the Coast, along the Cove
I row and Rove all across the Globe
Rearrange your Mold In the Cut or the fold
In the gutter and hold you gotta grow like the Mold Be Bold
Fortuitous Bitches Think It's Fun to have Riches
Succumb to Sex and you Bet You'll have Dishes
Successfulness only comes with stress
To be the best you gotta beat the rest 
Don't just beat your chest go achieve your quest

That's Right Get It

Well it's too early to call yet but it would appear I have fallen behind in the Blogvember department. It's okay though I still have time to turn this boat around. On the way to the harbor I wanted to tell you about how for the last five days in a row I have gotten out of bed before six in the morning. You would not believe all the stuff you can get done in the morning. From bills to chores to laundry and floors, in the morning you can truly do it all. In a way its like adding an extra four hour block to your day that you otherwise would not have had. I am waking up early with an axe to grind. Kicking ass in the morning and kicking more ass in the evening. Not sure how long this little sleep schedule will last but in the meantime is suits me just fine. Also I wanted to bring up the notion that old people don't necessarily enjoy getting up early. I have come to believe that it is actually the fact that they physically cannot stay up late anymore that they just pass out and then by default just so happen to wake up early. I feel great but in some ways I feel like an old man. You guy's keep me young man. 

I offer these tips to getting up early. 

1. Go to bed early (millions of old people can't be wrong)

2. Get out of the house (you must transcend simply getting out of bed)

3. Workout outside in the freezing cold alone and with a vendetta (BallHard)

4. Drink a 20 oz columbian coffee a glass of chocolate milk a five hour energy and two bananas (The Dale Fanella Breakfast at 711) about $8.50 (That's Right Get It)

5. Take a hot shower and then turn it cold and then Get The Fuck Out! (Swedish)

Inside the Struggling Actor's Studio

I know it's late but let's spend the night together. It is at times like these where I grow confused. Not able to sleep, not really awake, it's like what the fuck am I doing. Things are especially weird today because some worker dudes are coming over at 8 in the morning to replace my entire bathroom which has not been renovated since about 1902. Unbelievable I know. So my first thought is should I go to sleep now and just see what happens when I wake up or should I stay up writing for a long while? Not sure exactly but seems like the words are flowing at a decent rate so for now let's keep this party going. A paragraph is just a party of letters and words. I cannot remember the last time I remembered a dream. How about you? In other news I sit here and take stock of the things that I have.... To Be Honest... I am truly happy with my life. I almost seem to have found everything I have ever wanted. It's time to move forward and create new challenges and break new plateau's. Exciting things on the horizon for your pal Dale. Tomorrow night on of the short film's I had the pleasure of starring in over the past year "She Loves Me Not" will be screening at the Indie Incubator Film Festival held at 26 west Division in the heart of Chicago's GoldCoast at the original Mother's. Seeing as how I found out about this just last night I am pretty excited. I have never viewed the film in a room full of strangers and I would love to see peoples reactions. It's crazy to think that just a year ago I was working on "SLMN" with my pals from Versa Independent Productions and I was all like "oh how exciting I have a role." Where as now I have a full roles I'm working on and I can feel improvement in my performances. I have done my share of bad projects over the year but in reality you have to make mistakes to keep the ball rolling. I almost prefer the phrase "keep the ball bouncing" as I am an avid basketball fan but whatever "keep the ball rolling" really rolls off the tongue a lot better. Now the question becomes "What is gonna be the breakout role?" Something tells me I may need to get away from the independent film world and really begin to pursue agencies. I need representation. The talent is there. This weekend I am playing this really great boyfriend named...well actually I probably can't say too much about it yet but I think this is gonna be one of the best roles yet. I am very happy with life. Let's see what other post's we can whip up tonight. BTW here is a link to "She Loves Me Not." 

The Bread Song

Can i have some bread please
Do you have oil and Parmesan cheese
On rolls with the butter to give your buns a squeeze
Like bread i get baked cuz i'm frank deez
Make the bread take the bread getting head late in bed

Wake and Bake and Breaking Bread and Making Breaded Steak Again
I throw the bread but only for the ducks
You want some bread, well i don't give a fuck
American Keg Men we roll with the bread man
Gave bread to a dead man put bread in a bed pan
Breaded Breakfast in Bed I got the mother fucking Bread

Be Like A Plant

I can't believe November is here already. It seems like just yesterday I was out in Muncie, IN filming "She Loves Me Not" my first lead in a short film. I guess what I consider funny is that at that time I felt so unsure of where I was going and what I was doing with my life. I am still not entirely sure but I have a much better idea than before. I know I am strong enough for whatever may stand in my way. I have decided to let you guys in. To let you get close to me, or another way to put would be to say that from now on I will be more revealing regarding my feelings. Also my run on sentences and constant disregard for punctuation and grammar. (sorry Mrs. Willy) I'm working to get paid and getting paid to work. What could be better. I have a ton of ideas, a little money in my pocket and a few friends to get me high. I love my life. When I was in middle school I had a paper route. One day when I was making my deliveries I began to wish that I could assume the identity of other boys at my school. I couldn't skate board or draw, the girls didn't like me, I wasn't good at sports. I had no sense of self. I suppose I ran to comedy as a means of coping. If everyone is laughing at you they don't really have a chance to find extra stuff to make fun of you about. I made an ass of myself a lot. I still do, but it's different now. Now I am self assured. That night making the deliveries if a magic genie had come down and said "Would you like to trade lives with another boy?" I probably would have said yes. It took me a little while to realize but It eventually became apparent to me that I already was better than those other guys. Its almost like your a television and you have control of your own settings but you just don't know it. You see others who can be really loud and bright but most people are not in touch with how to control themselves. You just have to find what you like to do. What you are good at. What get's a reaction from others. What makes you feel good. Oh God. This starting to remind me of a blog I wrote awhile back called "Become What You Are" it also reminds me of another one I wrote even more recently called "Do The Things That Make You Great" I'm pretty big on self motivation. I feel like most people live life like an animal. They have a healthy young life then they get old and die after a few winters. I am like a plant. I grow stronger and stronger every year. My connection to the earth grows deeper and my reach toward the sky becomes greater. My heart beats like a drum. I am on the up ramp to the stars. Follow your dreams kids. 

P.S.
Sorry today I just felt like writing some self absorbed bull shit. 

Seasonal Depression

Hello Everyone. It's that time of year again. It's getting colder, the leaves are falling off the trees. The days have gotten shorter and the nights have gotten longer and lonelier than ever. Sometime on those late nights I sit alone and feel the blues. Maybe you yourself have experienced symptoms of Seasonal Depression. I recommend the following. 

1. Get Up Early, sleeping in all day is depressing enough as it is.

2. Eat Dark Chocolate, It fights unseasonal depression so it must work

3. Work out, get that blood flowing, bonus for working out in the elements. Far more bad ass

4. Practice Smiling, I notice that when I smile consciously I actually become happier. Just Fake It. 

5. Bossing and Flossing, Take command of situations and Floss often for that little extra effort. Boom. 

6. Watch a Game and Drink Some Beer With your Friends. Enough Said. 

7. Find away to grill outside. Something about Fire, Meat, Cold, equals Awesome. Primal Urges. 

8. Plowing and Chowing. No you sick fucks. It's about plowing driveways and chowing on biscuits and gravy. I don't know what you were thinking?

9. Watch the Departed once a month for all of November. Trust me it's Feckin Hilarious after awhile. 

10. Go around to bar's and try to act like staff Sargent Dignam It's really funny.

11. Take a tour of a brewery. I remember my first beer. 

Dream LIfe

If life is a dream, I'm awake for the first time

At night the moon gleams, I sit and sip wine 

The sun comes up, I expect to grind it out 

Expressions espresso and the express route 

Especially effortless, F the world no doubt 

So much for clout but what about the Benjamin's 

If you wanna eat out go to fucking Bennigans

Throw out, enough of these shenanigans 

I'll find a good one, every now and then 

I'm living on a cloud, I'm never comin down again

I felt, I could of been a better friend

In hell, you gotta be the better man

Hope I get well, sicker than Ive ever been

Exhale, smoke, sit down grab a pen

I don't know, it just started happening

I'm on a role lights camera ac-tion 

The End

Blogvember 

Irritating Poem

Eternal Atomic Apocalypse 

Frank Deez on the mic theres no stoppin this

urban gotham metropolis

fuck zack galafuckanus

ive seen the rain down in africas 

yall don't know about my sacrifice 

like to act out but not an activist 

nuclear thermal attack we come back to this

i don't give a fuck if your cat can piss

as long as your buttons hit your fingertips

sierra mist on your tits lemon lime spritz on your clits

oh 

let me get the oven mitts

Blogvember Continues. 

Blogvember

A lot of people think that I forgot but I would never leave you guys. I mean come on. It's Blogvember, it's that special time of the year where your old pal Dale sits down at his desk in his crazy fun house room of pictures and decides to tell some stories. How about it? Okay well then let's get started. It was  a late night and I was deranged out of my gourd with a full head of booms, onsie sauce and a variety of spirits. I was approached by a group of floating lobsters each one bigger than the next. They began to click their tongs in unison and I started to worry. Quickly I found a large pot of boiling water and I dove inside hoping they would follow. Much to my dismay they did not fall for my trap and I was left horribly scalded and had to endure a short stay at Illinois Masonic Medical center. However Late one night at the hospital the lobsters returned for a western style showdown in the hallway. I was out manned and outgunned. Just then the elevator doors burst open and "The Gunwerk" boys emerged. 
Now the lobsters had finally met their match. Who are the gunwerk boys? Just some guys I work with who move a lot of shit and clean shit but they all love to work hard and drink beer and drink nutrie and refer to their arms as guns. Anyway the gunwerk boys and I kicked the living shit out of the lobsters and then quickly found a humongous pot of boiling water and tossed the overgrown lobsters inside. That night we ordered pizza and drank beer to commemorate our victory. although i was very badly burned i showed the lobsters a thing or two about gunwerk. Blog Responsibly 

Fun in the Sun Poem

Because I like to run 
I like having fun
To the occasion I rise like the sun
I'm still number one
I still get it done
I got pizza sauce all on my thumb
I still threw a plumb 
I knew it was dumb
I poured some bleach on a hot dog bun
I went through a ton 
Then I chewed some gum
Torpase and now my bodies numb
breaks to the left breaks to the right
break it down with Frank Deez Tonight!

Oh Yeah

Do The Things That Make You Great

Been thinking a lot lately about where life is going. Somebody told me that when your young you have health and time but no money, In middle age you have money and health but you have no time, finally when you are old you have lost your health but have plenty of time and money. What is worth the most to you? I woke up early this morning about 5AM and felt the need to go outside. 

I went out to the patio in the back of my apartment and laid on the cold concrete in the light of the sun watching a few morning clouds pass by. A bit cliche I guess but the neighbors probably thought it was funny.  Eventually I got up and decided not to go back to sleep but to actually put some hours into my real life. Because when I was down there on the ground I could feel the world on my back. I could see infinitely into the sky. The whole Health, Money, Time thing is wrong in my opinion you can have all three. In fact you already do because they are all actually the same thing, they are manifestations of your energy. 

The people you meet live on in your heart forever for your heart is your soul 

The question is who does your energy belong to? Don't let it fall into the wrong hands. My advice is to spend your time wisely and spend it on the only person that really matters in this life, yourself. I'm not saying be selfish I'm just saying that you need to make yourself a priority and stop letting other people control your life. It's yours go out and get it. I'm saying this as much to myself right now as I am to you. 

This is our wake up call. Stop talking about it and start doing it. Be ambitious. Think of failure as an achievement. Spend your time cultivating the skills and crafts that make you the best you. "Simply the best... Better than all the rest." When it's all said and done you want to be able to look back on your life and know that you did the best you could. I have been looking for inspiration and today I literally found it on the ground. You never know where opportunities will present themselves. Stay thirsty my friends. 

Claude...

Me as Claude

This is neither fact nor fiction. This is only a story about Claude. 

Claude only had one Cigarette left and he was saving it for a special occasion. It had been five days now with no drugs and no booze. Claude was beginning to suffer. When will the madness end for our dear friend Claude? He hasn't seen his family or any friends for about three years now and he really doesn't give a shit. "Fuck Them" he thinks while walking through a field of tall wet grass late at night. "Who needs all that fucking bullshit." Claude never had time for any bullshit. 

If you offended him or said something wrong he would wait until you weren't paying attention and then poof he would vanish into thin air. Since he had no money this strategy also worked well as Claude would leave said offender to foot the bill for whatever coffee and wrap Claude had ordered. Claude never spoke much but since he left all those people behind he never spoke at all, to anyone, ever. 

After finding a soft patch to sleep on Claude called it a night. The next morning Claude was attacked and savagely mauled by a group of raccoons who had been following him for sometime. In need of medical attention Claude crawled to the side of the road. A truck driver threw an empty bottle at Claude knocking him unconscious. When Claude awoke it was night time again and he could see the beady little eyes of the raccoons as they watched him from the tall grass. They made raccoon sounds and did intimidating raccoon customs and stuff. Claude wasn't afraid. 

It just so happened that at that very instant another truck driver (this one with a kind heart) decided to pick up Claude and bring him to the hospital. Along the way the trucker told Claude about all his adventures across the highways of America. Claude nodded in silence. At one point the trucker asked Claude to hand him an aspirin from the glove box.

 Claude reached into the glove box and grabbed the bottle but that's when he saw the truckers stash of weed and caffeine pills. Without a second thought Claude began furiously eating the pills and was attempting to create a smoking apparatus using a pop can when the trucker punched Claude in the neck. He then kicked Claude out of the truck and drove off into the sunrise. 

"Ahh Shit I almost had weed..." Claude thought. "Oh shit I think I have rabies...and maybe also fleas" "Dammit" "Fuck!" "Ahh Shit" Claude got up and with his shirt wrapped around his head like a turban he walked for sometime amazed at how well he was doing despite no food, water, medical attention, or money. 

After several hours of walking Claude finally reached a truck stop oasis. It was here that Claude found the kind hearted trucker sleeping in his cab. Claude stole all of the guys drugs and left a nice note regarding how much the guys stories sucked ass. By hitching a ride from an old lady and her dog Claude finally made it to a hospital. Sitting in the waiting room the old lady did all the talking for him. A nurse approached and put a name tag on his jacket that said "Hello My Name is Claude." 

Upon leaving the hospital Claude hugged the old woman and gave the little dog a scratch behind the ear. As he set off on the road again Claude decided that he would continue wearing his name tag until the day he could finally smoke his last cigarette. "But When" He thought "When will this day come?"... 

After several days of walking and sleeping outside Claude was standing by the side of the road with his thumb out when he saw a car in the distance.... To Be Continued.