The Bread Song

Can i have some bread please
Do you have oil and Parmesan cheese
On rolls with the butter to give your buns a squeeze
Like bread i get baked cuz i'm frank deez
Make the bread take the bread getting head late in bed

Wake and Bake and Breaking Bread and Making Breaded Steak Again
I throw the bread but only for the ducks
You want some bread, well i don't give a fuck
American Keg Men we roll with the bread man
Gave bread to a dead man put bread in a bed pan
Breaded Breakfast in Bed I got the mother fucking Bread

Spring is in the Air

It feels so good to be back outside running around and having fun with my friends. It's finally spring again. I think that spring is highly under appreciated as a season. Summer gets to much credit. Although Chicago Summers are really great. What am I trying to say? Not sure really. Its so damn nice out I can hardly even stand sitting here at this god forsaken desk writing to you about this bull shit. I'm not angry or anything I just want to emphasize how unbelievably fucking nice it is outside right now! Right Here Right Now. Having fun again and making it look cool too. Oh yeah, Nobodies gonna bring me down. Sailing on Sailing on. Just Sailing on. Anyway Yesterday was pretty cool I got a ride out to the southwest suburbs where I recorded some voice overs for this animated feature about elves. I based the voice on this guy I know named Bradley who works at this bar called "The Store" It's a really great five a.m. shit hole. Well I caught a train back to the city and watched the Bulls in Triple OT through the window of the sport clips on Fullerton with about five other random guys. What a game, Nate Robinson had the game of his life. I went to the courts near my apartment and played prison ball for about two hours until a fight broke out because some guy blew a kiss at another guy. The game was ruined. I went home and drank brews for awhile catching up on mad men which is starting to suck or maybe it always sucked and I just didn't realize until now. Some really drunk dudes came over and we drank more brews and we recorded this video

After that we went out to that really great 5 a.m. shit hole I was talking about earlier "The Store" When we got there my brother ran into that fucking kid Eduardo so we had to tell him that he can go fucking suck his own fucking balls. 

Poem about Kicking Ass

In the future or in the past the time we have just doesnt last
before your told before your asked life will kick you in the ass
it'll happen fast this kick to the ass so fast that you'll have time to pass
and time to frolic laugh and play to live again another day
but if you stay theres a chance you risk it
an ass gets kicked most every instant 
elder or infant it aint no different
the talentless and truly gifted
relentless bad ass kicking schindig 

BoomShakaLaka!

Mr. Drugs

Good Morning Class. Now that the Teacher's Strike has been settled I will be your teacher for the rest of the school year. My name..... is Mr. Drugs. It is pronounced "Droogs" not "Drugs" and as I see some of you snickering I already know that this is going to be and interesting year for this class. I wonder. By a show of hands, how many of you have prescriptions for Adderall. Okay. For all those of you who have prescriptions for Adderall, you may go to recess. All the rest of you will be going down to the nurses office where you are going to tell her that you are having concentration problems. 

Good Morning Class. You all look awake. Now that you all have your required prescriptions for Adderall it is time for you first assignment. I want you all to go home tonight and in the dark of night go into your bottle of Adderall and bring me five of them. Five Adderall from each of you placed in rows on my desk tomorrow morning or you will drop a whole grade level. 

Good Morning Class. Thank you for completing your assignment and to celebrate I am happy to announce that it is now time for your first spelling lesson The Word of the day is XANAX for your second assignment I want you all to go home tonight being extra careful that no one sees you go behind your mothers bathroom mirror and look for a bottle with today's spelling word XANAX written on it and bring the pills to my desk in the morning. Because you have all been so good about completing your adderall assignment I have decided that for the rest of the day we will be watching "Limitless" starring Bradley Cooper as a drug fueled entrepreneur. You don't have to take notes but try to notice the symbolism of how his drug is basically adderall. 

Good Morning Class. I am very pleased to see that you have all completed you second assignment congratulations. At this time I would like all of you to take out your iPhone I want you to text me photo each of your mothers in a bikini. Except for you Smitty, you don't have to complete this assignment in fact you can have extra credit for not doing it. But for the rest of you it is mandatory. The pictures are part of my notes for the upcoming parent teacher conferences. For those of you with large breasted mothers there will be a bonus. That is all for now.....

Class I have been nice to you so far but now I am starting to get angry. Last night I was in the middle of  a long work session that involved studying your mothers photos in my bedroom when Smitty whom I had specifically told not to send me any photo whatsoever decided to send me a photo of his mother who shall we say is quite...unsightly. My night was ruined and now as result you are going to have two assignments today. Tell Suri or write this down or whatever method of note taking works for you. 

Assignment 4: I want you to go into your fathers office and look inside his desk for white powder in some kind of container or bag. It will taste very bitter but don't have to much because it's only for grownups. 

Assignment 5: Visit your Grandfathers home and look next to his bed where there are sure to be a variety of pill bottles. Look among them and find toady's spelling word which is VIAGRA. They are for a friend a very old friend who needs them. they are not for me. Kindly Bring in about five pills each they are blue. 

 I have added an extra assignment because during lunch I was eating and the mere thought of Smitty's mothers unsightliness made me lose my appetite. 

Assignment 6: Tonight while your older brother is asleep go into his bedroom and look inside his dresser for a some green stuff in a plastic bag. It will smell very much like skunk but somehow more pleasant. Don't eat it unless you know the cooking process which will be covered in our cooking lesson later in the year. Bring the bags to me and place them on my desk tomorrow with along with the VIAGRA and The white stuff. 

I look forward to grading your work tomorrow. Because you have so much work to do tonight I am going to let you leave early. Smitty I want you to stay after class and text the word UNSIGHTLY to me one thousand time. 

Class Dismissed

(Despite Harsh Critizizm from the Parent Teacher Association Mr. Drugs went on to win the Teacher of the Year, the following year)