The Rooftop Exit Guard

From Demonic Recession comes Economic Possesion
Pro Choice no Progression Having Less is the Lesson 
i'm a teacher no freshman put you to the test then
go stay at the west into go get some rest in
I'm best in Dark Roles evil eyes and a nose
from open to close oh the life that I chose
put people in rows have em coming to my shows
so cold the mic froze frost bite on my toes
ball just like d rose adidas on my clothes
watch your tongue and your sole try on my shoes 
so you know just how my life goes
and then i saw benny running with the bulls
friends and them foes, enemies and them bro's 
empties and them full's, meet the miller's and the coor's
the path and the course, regret and remorse
the windows and the doors, yo Franky sing the chorus

I'm on the rooftop exit gaurd
Diner on the boulevard (Diner on Boulevard)
Young BallHard
Cuz I'm always Ballin Hard (Always Ballin Hard)

Franky Diesel aka Mr. Chorizo

Who really knows where the red fern grows?
I won then I wondered for once I suppose

I went ear to ear smelling like a rose

lost by the eyes and won by a nose

I make fear afraid I scare the scarecrow's 
Fuck he who walks behind the rows
I suppose I could pose but don't tag me in that photo
I got that chicken and risotto but you already know though
Got my slinky and my yo yo and my twinky for the ho hos
I block shots like Hope Solo got my khakis and a polo
they call me senor solo on that Gracia's por todo 
hot chicks be like oh no, roll with samwise and that frodo
similar to Mr. Crackle everyday I'm Crackling 

Feels so good to be back again and cracking

And don't cut me slack cuz I'm never slacking

I'm Weed Whacking and Stacking also Bossin and Flossin

The U.S. is Awesome, Fuck those brothers from Boston

Seasonal Depression

Hello Everyone. It's that time of year again. It's getting colder, the leaves are falling off the trees. The days have gotten shorter and the nights have gotten longer and lonelier than ever. Sometime on those late nights I sit alone and feel the blues. Maybe you yourself have experienced symptoms of Seasonal Depression. I recommend the following. 

1. Get Up Early, sleeping in all day is depressing enough as it is.

2. Eat Dark Chocolate, It fights unseasonal depression so it must work

3. Work out, get that blood flowing, bonus for working out in the elements. Far more bad ass

4. Practice Smiling, I notice that when I smile consciously I actually become happier. Just Fake It. 

5. Bossing and Flossing, Take command of situations and Floss often for that little extra effort. Boom. 

6. Watch a Game and Drink Some Beer With your Friends. Enough Said. 

7. Find away to grill outside. Something about Fire, Meat, Cold, equals Awesome. Primal Urges. 

8. Plowing and Chowing. No you sick fucks. It's about plowing driveways and chowing on biscuits and gravy. I don't know what you were thinking?

9. Watch the Departed once a month for all of November. Trust me it's Feckin Hilarious after awhile. 

10. Go around to bar's and try to act like staff Sargent Dignam It's really funny.

11. Take a tour of a brewery. I remember my first beer. 

Warehouse Factories.

The Other Day when I was walking home I saw this group of tribal dancers performing a ceremony nearby. These dancers peaked my interest and I decided to stay and take a look. The dancers all wore beach attire as if this was florida or some shit. I'm like yo it's fucking freezing out here what the fuck is ya'll doin? They ignored my calls and continued with the task at hand. One by one they flowed around in a big human chain looking like a giant awkward humanipede (human plus centipede) rather than the term human centipede which means something entirely different and opposite of what I mean. Oh shit, I've gotten off track again. The dancers broke up the chain and began buzzing around on their own like moths near a flame. The fire seemed to grow bigger and brighter until finally I jumped over the fence with a can of gas I had acquired from a nearby gas station. Upon reaching the fire I poured gas everywhere and burned the dance floor down. Once everyone was gone I began to perform my own dance. Just me and my bag of bones under the stars with smoke rising out of the ground. I danced and jumped with great delight until the wee hours of the morn. It was then that the tribal dancers came back with a bunch of broken bottles and threw many shards of glass at me without my consent. I ran away and managed to spend the night in a abandoned warehouse factory. And yes I mean a factory where they make outhouses. Blogvember Continues. 

Hairstyles of the rich and homeless

I feel great. Even though I split the my eyebrow open the other night when I made the executive decision to headbutt some guy during a basketball game the other night. Even with this open wound on my face I was still able to make it out to McCormick place for the first time since I worked the auto show in February. It was my chance to learn about the competitive world of hair modeling. It went well. Its funny because you cant see what they are doing to you and you just see hair flying all over the place. I had done a hair modeling gig in the suburbs with my buddy Tanto a couple of years back 2007 I think. 
This one was for the American Beauty Show and was a lot more insane. The whole place (Mind you that McCormick place is big enough for dinosaurs to be playing full contact football) I went up there and it was crazy. A lot crazier than the auto show. I guess anytime you have that many people packed into a giant building. I just got a gig to doing voice overs for an independent animated feature film. All of my friends and family are doing well. People on facebook are all having great days. It's cold but spring is in the air. March 12th is going down in the books as a great day. I have been looking forward to more blogging now that the Internet gods have smiled kindly upon me. I have realized that the inter net is just a vehicle for your mind. its was keeping me up late the other night thinking that we all live in a giant building like McCormick place, like the Truman show. we are just cows feeding and biding our time. Is it all a game. Have I watched too many conspiracy videos to know whats real? Sitting here thinking about how the Internet is the matrix. The dream is real (the tag line from the inception promotional posters.) I feel good none the less. As I was saying the whole world is changing and moving forward. People are getting connected new friends are everywhere. Take advantage of every opportunity. seize the day. You are always becoming better or worse, decide which one you prefer. Best

-Von Deez

Super Lyrical

Lyrically I’m like an athletic freak when I write

 So I’m tight at open mics that I frequent at night

 When I speak on the mic  in a beacon of light

 I’m kinda weird and i'm white but still keeping it hype

I need a miller lite! When I step off stages

 Take a seat at the bar with some hot babes and write pages

 I’m writin bars at bars with with local rap stars

 I’m writin bars at barbeques with dudes in my back yard

 Cuz art work pays off take no days off

 Work hard play soft smoke weed, play golf

 I often stop at coffee shops to sit and jot

  I get lost in thought with the ink I blot

  I sit and think a lot high off decent pot

 I never creep or stop whether I sleep or not

  I think this coffee drink I got is freaking hot

  Lyrically on a streak that can never be stopped

Desk Pains

No rest no stressing me I sit at my desk endlessly

Writing till my left hand bleeds but no reflex tendency

Then and now I plow and foul I howl and scowl then smoke a white owl

every now the then I have friends who pretend at the end they can bend

With two hands they wont lend send a chill down your spine

When I’m in the lime it’s a fine wine cuz it grows with time

I write till my left hand bleeds at my desk I never rest

I’m like a slob with a vest on my chest but I’m the best

In the worst way I’m constantly thirsty

I wish there were tits containing beer that could nurse me

Vanilla or Hershey but no controversy

A titties a titty so there is no worry

Sometimes I get blurry

Get down and get dirty

I think that its early but its clearly 1230

Can be so self serving its raw and unnerving

So cruel and deserving for the gruel they be serving

Is that Michael Irvin in cars see him swerving

Its magic like Irvin its tragic like working

He found a cure for aids I need a cure for jerking the monster is lurking

Just sneaking and stirring incurring the wrath

I need a bath and half plus a joke and laugh

The Joking Type

When I was a young boy, I used to eat chicken nuggets

But Now I put away them young boy ways

Now I'm living like a grown boy

Now I"m eating on the Buffalo Chicken Wings

Wings so good

come on baby eating wings so good

sometimes grub don't feel like it should

wings so good.

This is just a joke..

This whole post.

I feel that we are all entitled to have a little fun every once in awhile right

otherwise what is the point? Not having fun is for losers.

oh oh oh oh Jackie Bleu

Jackie Bleu Cheese lives her life in a low fat style

at the top of the Buffalo Chicken Pile

oh oh oh oh oh Jackie Bleu

The cheese is smelly and so are you

I mean its really all about the money but it is important to have fun at least once every few years to keep the moral up. Good Moral is a very undervalued natural resource. We could all use a little boost in moral

The Ten Keg Commandments

The Ten Keg Commandments

From "The Most Interesting Barback in the World"

10. Keep your Cooler Clean, it is a temple. Pay Tribute to Planet Kegatron! 

All Hail Kegatron

9. You can Haul Empty Kegs on an Empty stomach but you have to be Full in order to haul Full Kegs (About 175 lbs or so) Eat Plenty of McDonald's Breakfast Sandwiches (Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Biscuit preferably) Drink Coffee for energy.


8. Use proper Keg form (very similar to a Squat, Power Clean, Dead lift, but with an element of rowing)

7. Always remember that Kegs = American Muscle (Even if you are not from The States) 


7.5 Shout out to Harry Fridas from Australia who once single handedly hauled 100 Kegs of Fat Tire Amber Ale while working at The Wrigley Rooftops 773 Tickets. (Afterword he said "Fat Tire Please") 

Harry got deported but with your help we can export a keg of Fat Tire to him in Sydney

Kegman

6. If a keg is going to fall, just let it. (It might fall on your foot or you'll get a hernia trying to wrestle it. Just let it fall and do 25 push ups as customary with a Keg Foul. Drop a Fat Tire and do 50!)


5. No drinking on the job. Drinking IS the JOB!






4. If a girl asks you if you need help. Always say no. (unless she wants to help you drink Fat Tire.)


3. While Keg Hauling try not to let sweaty kegs press against your pant legs because you will have stains everywhere. 


2. During Work hours your keg coworkers (Keg men of America) are your fraternal brothers, treat them as such.


1. Never let the Kegs Run Dry!

Bonus Tip: While Keg Hauling, Remember to always shout "POW" In the style of Mark Walhberg from his workout video Form, Focus, Fitness  


Happy Hauling in 2012