Warehouse Factories.

The Other Day when I was walking home I saw this group of tribal dancers performing a ceremony nearby. These dancers peaked my interest and I decided to stay and take a look. The dancers all wore beach attire as if this was florida or some shit. I'm like yo it's fucking freezing out here what the fuck is ya'll doin? They ignored my calls and continued with the task at hand. One by one they flowed around in a big human chain looking like a giant awkward humanipede (human plus centipede) rather than the term human centipede which means something entirely different and opposite of what I mean. Oh shit, I've gotten off track again. The dancers broke up the chain and began buzzing around on their own like moths near a flame. The fire seemed to grow bigger and brighter until finally I jumped over the fence with a can of gas I had acquired from a nearby gas station. Upon reaching the fire I poured gas everywhere and burned the dance floor down. Once everyone was gone I began to perform my own dance. Just me and my bag of bones under the stars with smoke rising out of the ground. I danced and jumped with great delight until the wee hours of the morn. It was then that the tribal dancers came back with a bunch of broken bottles and threw many shards of glass at me without my consent. I ran away and managed to spend the night in a abandoned warehouse factory. And yes I mean a factory where they make outhouses. Blogvember Continues. 

Kegs Equal American Muscle

The Most Interesting Bar Back in the World has been gaining wide recognition for his charitable keg room donations and pub safety training. Along with his side kick "The Most Interesting Sidekick in the World and a whole staff of other characters "The Most Interesting Bar Back in the World is in for another season on the brink. 

Today I present the videos from our first home stand. You can view other information on the most interesting bar back in the world, the most interesting sidekick in the world and the keg men of America in one of my other posts called "The Ten Keg Commandments" As each home stand comes and goes I will post the videos from said home stand. Enjoy and please haul kegs responsibly. 

Fat Tire Please

The Suburban Invaders and I performed a show at The Redline Tap in Ravenswood on Sunday night. This is a unrehearsed improv moment from the show where we happened to be taking a little to long between songs and I simply tell the audience about this empty fat tire keg I brought with as a prop. Our new Drummer Rod was using it as part of his drum kit. I have been using the keg at home as part of my "No Exceptions, No Excuses" workout plan. After I simply point out the keg to the crowd, the whole band seems to jump on board and a whole ridiculous song about fat tire just seems to flow out of us. Just so you know, for all of the verses in the song I am impersonating this really great guy named Harry Fridas who often said "Fat Tire Please" and would always demand Fat Tire after doing odd jobs at work like mopping the whole floor or checking people in at the door. Last year Harry was deported back to Sydney Austrailia where there is no Fat Tire. Someday when I have more of a following, I plan on having an event called "Harry's Wild Show" where we would be the musical entertainment alongside some sketch and stand up comedy. The proceeds from the event would all go toward purchasing and exporting a whole Keg of Fat Tire to Harry who is currently living in Sydney. Harry If your reading this, I miss you man. I hope you like the song.

The Ten Keg Commandments

The Ten Keg Commandments

From "The Most Interesting Barback in the World"

10. Keep your Cooler Clean, it is a temple. Pay Tribute to Planet Kegatron! 

All Hail Kegatron

9. You can Haul Empty Kegs on an Empty stomach but you have to be Full in order to haul Full Kegs (About 175 lbs or so) Eat Plenty of McDonald's Breakfast Sandwiches (Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Biscuit preferably) Drink Coffee for energy.


8. Use proper Keg form (very similar to a Squat, Power Clean, Dead lift, but with an element of rowing)

7. Always remember that Kegs = American Muscle (Even if you are not from The States) 


7.5 Shout out to Harry Fridas from Australia who once single handedly hauled 100 Kegs of Fat Tire Amber Ale while working at The Wrigley Rooftops 773 Tickets. (Afterword he said "Fat Tire Please") 

Harry got deported but with your help we can export a keg of Fat Tire to him in Sydney

Kegman

6. If a keg is going to fall, just let it. (It might fall on your foot or you'll get a hernia trying to wrestle it. Just let it fall and do 25 push ups as customary with a Keg Foul. Drop a Fat Tire and do 50!)


5. No drinking on the job. Drinking IS the JOB!






4. If a girl asks you if you need help. Always say no. (unless she wants to help you drink Fat Tire.)


3. While Keg Hauling try not to let sweaty kegs press against your pant legs because you will have stains everywhere. 


2. During Work hours your keg coworkers (Keg men of America) are your fraternal brothers, treat them as such.


1. Never let the Kegs Run Dry!

Bonus Tip: While Keg Hauling, Remember to always shout "POW" In the style of Mark Walhberg from his workout video Form, Focus, Fitness  


Happy Hauling in 2012