Tats for Tits

I hum and I stroll I Pass through the toll 
I play all the roles OH MY GOD It's the Trolls 
I sea like the gulls scoring goals like the pro's 
Yes i suppose not frosty but froze 
I burn like your nose put them lines in a row
Come back like the crow so happy I grow
How else would you know? This ain't a fashion show
Gadget lets go go, go go gadget so retro did a show at the metro
But people came to see Jethro and some artists from death row
But I'm hell no, Let's go Living in Chicago
Ya ll know about them bourbon boys
Making that suburban noise

Dinosaur DNA

It's been awhile since my last post. I apologize for that. But be assured that I am back and ready to play a little catch up. Here's something weird you can read on the shitter. 

 

Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen. My name is Sherlock Homeless. Tonight's presentation of Illegal Aliens Vs Sexual Predators is being interrupted by an important announcement from the Food Department Administration "Attention all carnivores, there has been a recent discovery of over 7420 tons of hot dogs, hamburgers, Italian style beef particles, sausages, meatballs, chicken breast, bratwurst and of course hog snouts of various size and density. All of the meat has been genetically altered and scientifically engineered using only the highest quality dinosaur DNA purchased for nominal charges on the black market in Thailand. The meat is then submerged in a vat of human fluids gathered from local bars, homeless shelters and port o johns. At this point the meat is soaked within a tub of chemicals and left to marinate for over three days in my basement. When the employees and scientists bring the meet into the kitchen it is layed upon the main prep table and tenderized in a large group frenzy in which all of the employees slap their genitals against the meat until it achieves optimal tenderness. Afterward several lumberjacks and chainsaw wielding maniacs chop and trim the meat into a gnarled bleeding pile of tissue. We then inject the meat with performance enhancing drugs and a extra large double mega frappaccino with little to no foam and a straw. While the meat is left to cook in the microwave for nearly four hours of slow roasted richness. We begin to prepare our side dishes. Three eggs placed inside a sweaty tube sock dunked inside a small bucket containing diced tomatoes and tuna fish matter. The bucket is to be swirled  for about ten minutes in a circular hula motion before pouring the contents into a dog bowl garnished with a real large dutch pretzel made of sourdough and sea salt. Serve the entire dish on a breakfast in bed style platter and proceed to watch Jurassic Park, Truly one of the greatest motion pictures of our time. God Bless America

Fat Tire Please

The Suburban Invaders and I performed a show at The Redline Tap in Ravenswood on Sunday night. This is a unrehearsed improv moment from the show where we happened to be taking a little to long between songs and I simply tell the audience about this empty fat tire keg I brought with as a prop. Our new Drummer Rod was using it as part of his drum kit. I have been using the keg at home as part of my "No Exceptions, No Excuses" workout plan. After I simply point out the keg to the crowd, the whole band seems to jump on board and a whole ridiculous song about fat tire just seems to flow out of us. Just so you know, for all of the verses in the song I am impersonating this really great guy named Harry Fridas who often said "Fat Tire Please" and would always demand Fat Tire after doing odd jobs at work like mopping the whole floor or checking people in at the door. Last year Harry was deported back to Sydney Austrailia where there is no Fat Tire. Someday when I have more of a following, I plan on having an event called "Harry's Wild Show" where we would be the musical entertainment alongside some sketch and stand up comedy. The proceeds from the event would all go toward purchasing and exporting a whole Keg of Fat Tire to Harry who is currently living in Sydney. Harry If your reading this, I miss you man. I hope you like the song.