Dinosaur DNA

It's been awhile since my last post. I apologize for that. But be assured that I am back and ready to play a little catch up. Here's something weird you can read on the shitter. 

 

Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen. My name is Sherlock Homeless. Tonight's presentation of Illegal Aliens Vs Sexual Predators is being interrupted by an important announcement from the Food Department Administration "Attention all carnivores, there has been a recent discovery of over 7420 tons of hot dogs, hamburgers, Italian style beef particles, sausages, meatballs, chicken breast, bratwurst and of course hog snouts of various size and density. All of the meat has been genetically altered and scientifically engineered using only the highest quality dinosaur DNA purchased for nominal charges on the black market in Thailand. The meat is then submerged in a vat of human fluids gathered from local bars, homeless shelters and port o johns. At this point the meat is soaked within a tub of chemicals and left to marinate for over three days in my basement. When the employees and scientists bring the meet into the kitchen it is layed upon the main prep table and tenderized in a large group frenzy in which all of the employees slap their genitals against the meat until it achieves optimal tenderness. Afterward several lumberjacks and chainsaw wielding maniacs chop and trim the meat into a gnarled bleeding pile of tissue. We then inject the meat with performance enhancing drugs and a extra large double mega frappaccino with little to no foam and a straw. While the meat is left to cook in the microwave for nearly four hours of slow roasted richness. We begin to prepare our side dishes. Three eggs placed inside a sweaty tube sock dunked inside a small bucket containing diced tomatoes and tuna fish matter. The bucket is to be swirled  for about ten minutes in a circular hula motion before pouring the contents into a dog bowl garnished with a real large dutch pretzel made of sourdough and sea salt. Serve the entire dish on a breakfast in bed style platter and proceed to watch Jurassic Park, Truly one of the greatest motion pictures of our time. God Bless America