Kegs Equal American Muscle

The Most Interesting Bar Back in the World has been gaining wide recognition for his charitable keg room donations and pub safety training. Along with his side kick "The Most Interesting Sidekick in the World and a whole staff of other characters "The Most Interesting Bar Back in the World is in for another season on the brink. 

Today I present the videos from our first home stand. You can view other information on the most interesting bar back in the world, the most interesting sidekick in the world and the keg men of America in one of my other posts called "The Ten Keg Commandments" As each home stand comes and goes I will post the videos from said home stand. Enjoy and please haul kegs responsibly. 

Its a mad mad mad mad mad world

Its a maddening maddening mad hatters mad hattering mad haters are chattering

the batter is battering all the stats are still staggering the badger was badgering unabashadley brandishing a badge from a bad German Sheppard black fur like a leopard without stripes and no checkers i was a wreck at the records i felt wretched in bed but it was all for the better

forever together in splendor where ever no wonder no never grow stronger go getter 

so weather the storm whether rich or in squalor from the top of the bucket to the bottomm of dollars to the loudest of whispers and softest of hollers. for the insomniac staying up four hundred hours

to the clean freak scrubbing dead skin in the showers 

the flesh eating disease it rips and devours 

but what about love and smelling the flowers. 

Hairstyles of the rich and homeless

I feel great. Even though I split the my eyebrow open the other night when I made the executive decision to headbutt some guy during a basketball game the other night. Even with this open wound on my face I was still able to make it out to McCormick place for the first time since I worked the auto show in February. It was my chance to learn about the competitive world of hair modeling. It went well. Its funny because you cant see what they are doing to you and you just see hair flying all over the place. I had done a hair modeling gig in the suburbs with my buddy Tanto a couple of years back 2007 I think. 
This one was for the American Beauty Show and was a lot more insane. The whole place (Mind you that McCormick place is big enough for dinosaurs to be playing full contact football) I went up there and it was crazy. A lot crazier than the auto show. I guess anytime you have that many people packed into a giant building. I just got a gig to doing voice overs for an independent animated feature film. All of my friends and family are doing well. People on facebook are all having great days. It's cold but spring is in the air. March 12th is going down in the books as a great day. I have been looking forward to more blogging now that the Internet gods have smiled kindly upon me. I have realized that the inter net is just a vehicle for your mind. its was keeping me up late the other night thinking that we all live in a giant building like McCormick place, like the Truman show. we are just cows feeding and biding our time. Is it all a game. Have I watched too many conspiracy videos to know whats real? Sitting here thinking about how the Internet is the matrix. The dream is real (the tag line from the inception promotional posters.) I feel good none the less. As I was saying the whole world is changing and moving forward. People are getting connected new friends are everywhere. Take advantage of every opportunity. seize the day. You are always becoming better or worse, decide which one you prefer. Best

-Von Deez

Delirium serum deleterious sermon delicious syrup and watermelon

All of the people have bad intentions
Truer words were never sung
Craigslist reading missed connections
Someone saw me at Fullerton
Thomas Jefferson had inventions
I have got the perfect one
A filter for your butt so when you fart it freshens
I think I need to re start
How about a robot shopping cart?
Honestly please, do you have suggestions
Inventing things is really hard
Do you believe in new dimension
How many have you seen so far
Avoid the department of corrections
Or you'll be living behind bars
I'm getting calls about debt collection
While I'm sitting at the bar
Life is like a recollection
Of what it is we truly are
Prepare yourself for disinfection
Afterward you keep the jar
Nerium for nice complexion
Ordering some caviar
Can I get a cord extension
The outlet here is really far

Hanging With Frank

If your hanging with Frank you best bee feeling a buzz
Feeling better than ever better even on drugs

Never under the weather pull from under the rug

And when I’m feeling the love its even better because

Man I’m taking a trip I hit the road with my budz

And i'm taking Sip Mud Lite in my cup

And I’m taking a dip Gach & Chips and some chicks

Were at Lake Michigan chilling Buffalo Chicken Strips

Boom shakalaka we be the chief rockers
NBA jam kick it FIFA like soccer
We got the root beer and the whipped vodka
We act proper you are a malaka

Pop a couple pills until it ain't pretty
Ballpark Frank got the moves like Schmitty
At the strip club we all getting shitty
Big fat motherfucking titties in the city

I Got The Bugers Burgers Burgers Burgers Burgers

Sunday afternoon sitting in the cool breeze eating an American burger. What could be better. I ate burgers everyday for one summer. I wish I had stats on my lifetime of burgers. Todays Burger was unique. I had been craving burgers all day and finally decided to make the dreaded burger walk. On the way I saw a Panera bread and I kind of wanted to get my soup on but it was all for not. I continued on my journey and eventually made contact with a burger retail outlet known as Five Guys Even though there was more than five guys running the place. I got the burgers burgers burgers burgers burgers burgers burgers burgers burgers burgers. I also got fries. Men's Health says that five guys meals are bad for you but I don't care because they taste good and Burgers are American. Now Every Sunday I go for a long adventure walk and treat myself to some good old American Cuisine. MMMM MMMM MMMMM so tasty. Hot Burgers and Fries Made To Order. I am not even getting paid for this. I just really like the burgers. Sometimes when I meet people for the first time I ask them "Excuse Me Do You Have Burgers?"

I love to read cuz it is fun

I love to read cuz it is fun

I read books to everyone

Stay up all night with a real page turner

Sci Fi fantasy mystery murder

Self help how to poetry bios

Graphic novel newspaper secret files

Magazine innards off the press from the printer

Cook books on the stove serve them for dinner

How to be a winner for beginners and novices

Lists about making better lists at offices

Happily ever after dystopian Apocalypse

Digest the reader and close the cover on politics

Stick my nose in a book toucan said to follow it

Check it out free or pay a lot at the colleges

Sit around a lot with a book in my gaze

How I love to read let me count the ways

One I read a book in the tub

Two I read a book in the club

Three I read a book on a date

Four I read a book in a crate

Five I read a book in a fight

Six I book a room and a flight

READ 

READ AGAIN

READ 

READ MY FRIEND

READ

CUZ IT IS FUN

READ TO EVERYONE

I prefer to shower after I read.

A book I recieved from a dear friend. 

From The Desk Of BallPark Frank

I get big in the paint like a big man on canvas
Frank on the globe write rhymes on the atlas
Make all the money to buy all the makers
On your mark get set on the plate like taters
Better now than laters i glide like the skaters
Always rip ass when i'm in the elavators
Darth like the vaders light saber tooth tigers
Watching us now in the eye of the fighter
Lit like a lighter cuz got spins like the dryer
Walking home looking like the man on the wire
I burn rubber like a fire breathing dragon with a magnum 
Condom i got at the spot when I bought gum 
Got some awesome nachos with cheese sauce and quac yo
An ice cream snickers and a choco taco
Got the tic tacs and tactics the stretch like elastic
I love the fans cuz they are fantastic 

Dale Fanella Working For A Living

Contact me at your leisure if you ever need a actor, performer, emcee, writer, model. I  also excel at hauling kegs and brand ambassador work.

Pizza Monster Poem Part One

The sun came out and the moon set in

the alarm went off let the day begin

let the coffee brew and the shower steam

five more minutes to sleep and dream

but watch those minutes 

they sure add up

Have a bagel fill your cup

Read the Times and find your way

Be at work or play today is the day

The forest hum the ocean spray

the icy mist the sunny ray

the way we make the hours pass 

Infinite wisdom at our grasp 

father time is old and wise 

mother earth nurtures young vines

so drink the wines and clean the scrapes 

finish the paper review the tapes

take all the things you took for granted 

the overstated the understanded

the upper graded and under handed 

i read a pamphlet about the planet 

Going Green?  or Going Hamlet?

Going Hamlet I must say sir

Hamlet Going as it were

where is it here that fear we must

of gooey cheese and crunchy crust

tomato chunkage such a must

the pizza monster is after us.

Watch out because I will undoubtedly continue the story of the pizza monster and believe me when I tell you that it is going to be down right hilarious. 

Watch out for the Evil Pizza Monster

Laced Coffee Poem

One day I saw a sign 

"What kinda sign did you see?"

A giant billboard that said "(watch out for the laced coffee?)"

I blinked my eyes twice cuz I thought it said "Iced"

I sat there all day and long into the night

so deep were my thoughts i had a case of the thinks

it made me wanna stop for some food and some drinks 

the diner in flux with plate clanks and glass clinks  

I sat at a table unassuming, 

except for the other three people who sneered

back, back, back, they say while pushing me out of the way

But stay, stay, stay, I say I am the wart that wont go away 

even later in life when your old and your grey all the way to the end I'll be here to stay

so they left and I sat there got coffee and snacks like soup of the day and these new deli wraps

slaps on the table laughter rumbles like thunder i stare at my coffee and i started to wonder

now was it the smell or was it the taste one thing was for sure the coffee was laced

I paced to the bathroom to look in the mirror the sounds on my face i started to hear

strange prose from my nose bold lies from my eyes surprised by the highs that laced coffee provides

I Met Joe Black

Fat Tire Please

The Suburban Invaders and I performed a show at The Redline Tap in Ravenswood on Sunday night. This is a unrehearsed improv moment from the show where we happened to be taking a little to long between songs and I simply tell the audience about this empty fat tire keg I brought with as a prop. Our new Drummer Rod was using it as part of his drum kit. I have been using the keg at home as part of my "No Exceptions, No Excuses" workout plan. After I simply point out the keg to the crowd, the whole band seems to jump on board and a whole ridiculous song about fat tire just seems to flow out of us. Just so you know, for all of the verses in the song I am impersonating this really great guy named Harry Fridas who often said "Fat Tire Please" and would always demand Fat Tire after doing odd jobs at work like mopping the whole floor or checking people in at the door. Last year Harry was deported back to Sydney Austrailia where there is no Fat Tire. Someday when I have more of a following, I plan on having an event called "Harry's Wild Show" where we would be the musical entertainment alongside some sketch and stand up comedy. The proceeds from the event would all go toward purchasing and exporting a whole Keg of Fat Tire to Harry who is currently living in Sydney. Harry If your reading this, I miss you man. I hope you like the song.

Any Questions?

Can I Ask You A Few Questions?

If life is a marathon when do we get time to train for it?

Is throwing an apple through a window considered a technological breakthrough?

What does the late bird get to eat?

Should the bottom of the ocean have a wet floor sign?

Are stinky feet the original stocking stuffer?

If you stood taller than everyone else, would they all understand you?

If Cows could prescribe prescription medication to people. Would they work at a Farmacy?

If you write a Slogan on a baseball and throw it through the window of an advertising firm, is that a good pitch?

In anger management is there an assistant manager?

Is trick or treat a trick question?

If a broken clock is right twice a day, how many times is it wrong?

Should the punishment for breaking and entering be

fixing and leaving?

How do you talk about a code of silence?

Can a nose run a marathon? If it won, would they say it won by a nose?

If a witch makes a mistake is it considered misspelling?

Do stars take meteor showers and wear asteroid belts?

In the gaming world, is it good to be considered “all thumbs?”

If a group of vegans sit at a table is it considered a vegetable?

Is procrastinating at the top of your to do list?

When humpty dumpty fell, why did everyone try to put him back together when they could have just had a good breakfast?

If a pilot forgets to zip up his pants, is he then traveling in a no fly zone?

If you play golf while handcuffed is it called, Cuff links?

If you throw toxic sludge on a lamp, is that light pollution?

If you fall down in an elevator while it’s going up, do you break even?

If you clean your meat, is that a polish sausage?

If an elf was crowned king, would he be called Elfvis?

When you meet your obligations, is it polite to introduce yourself?

If you write something while sitting down, is it possible to stand by your word?

When your car breaks down should you take it to see a shrink?

If you construct a life boat out of soda cans, might it be called a root beer float?

Do you need rolling papers for smoked sausage?

Why do most shallow people have deep seeded issues?

Is slowly eating fast food considered, wasting your time?

If you straighten and shuffle papers for thirty minutes can you then say that you spent a half hour jogging?

Is a locomotive a train or a crazy idea?

If I wanted to call myself to talk about personal matters, should I get an I-Phone?

What is the difference between staying up too early and going to bed too late?

How many rooms are in a house of cards?

How many hands does it take to hold a grudge?

In theatre classes, are students encouraged to “act up?”

When you meet your doom, should you bring an introductory gift?

Is there any strength in letters?

How come there are never any beds in restrooms?

If you’re unsure about how to change your morning routine, should you just sleep on it?

If you bring a fishing pole on an airplane, might you be….fly fishing?

If someone loses a hotdog should you check your buns accordingly?

If you pack a fanny pack, is it then called a “fanny packed?”

If you get a hangnail on a cliff, is it considered a cliffhanger?

If you are hard of hearing does that mean you prefer easy listening?

If Darth Vader is on your Elevator is it then considered an Elevader?

What exactly is phony bologna? And is it FDA approved?

How much sleep constitutes a little rest?

Do pigs bring home the most bacon?

If your eyes really are bigger than your stomach, should you really be worried about finishing your meal?

When you purchase a sweater should you buy deodorant too?

If you break your 12 inch sub, can you take it to the foot doctor?

Is an Arnold Palmer a golf tea?

When you see a fork in the road, did the spoon and the knife take the paths on either side?

When aliens touchdown, will they go for the extra point?

If you run out of breath while putting your pants on, should that be called “panting?”

If you go to the mall and hop around very quietly while making your purchases, is that called “Shhhh hopping?”

Should spiders be credited with creating the first website?

If a Baker drops thirteen muffins on the floor, would that be called a “Bakers Doesn’t?”

If you lived a peaceful solitary life in the mountains meditating and eating nachos, would that make you a “chip monk?”

Should you be upset if a mime gives you the silent treatment?

If laughter is the best medicine where can I get a prescription?

Why didn’t the three little pigs just get brinks home security system?

How is it possible that Tom Cruise always completes these supposedly impossible missions?

Do these new hybrid sharks run on electricity?

When the chips are down should you just switch to pretzels?

Can you drink minute maid out of an hour glass?

How much man money can a duck fit in its bill fold?

If you fail to meet your obligations, should you reschedule the meeting?

If there is plenty of fish in the sea why is seafood so expensive?

If you leave a bread crumb trail, should you worry about the elderly stealing your bread crumbs to feed hungry ducks?

If you donate your pipe organ does that qualify you as being an organ donor?

Why is it that whenever someone spills the beans there is never any rice to go with it?

Is having the pick of the litter bad if you own a litter box?

Why is it that when something smells funny no one ever laughs?