Laced Coffee Poem

One day I saw a sign 

"What kinda sign did you see?"

A giant billboard that said "(watch out for the laced coffee?)"

I blinked my eyes twice cuz I thought it said "Iced"

I sat there all day and long into the night

so deep were my thoughts i had a case of the thinks

it made me wanna stop for some food and some drinks 

the diner in flux with plate clanks and glass clinks  

I sat at a table unassuming, 

except for the other three people who sneered

back, back, back, they say while pushing me out of the way

But stay, stay, stay, I say I am the wart that wont go away 

even later in life when your old and your grey all the way to the end I'll be here to stay

so they left and I sat there got coffee and snacks like soup of the day and these new deli wraps

slaps on the table laughter rumbles like thunder i stare at my coffee and i started to wonder

now was it the smell or was it the taste one thing was for sure the coffee was laced

I paced to the bathroom to look in the mirror the sounds on my face i started to hear

strange prose from my nose bold lies from my eyes surprised by the highs that laced coffee provides

I Met Joe Black

Any Questions?

Can I Ask You A Few Questions?

If life is a marathon when do we get time to train for it?

Is throwing an apple through a window considered a technological breakthrough?

What does the late bird get to eat?

Should the bottom of the ocean have a wet floor sign?

Are stinky feet the original stocking stuffer?

If you stood taller than everyone else, would they all understand you?

If Cows could prescribe prescription medication to people. Would they work at a Farmacy?

If you write a Slogan on a baseball and throw it through the window of an advertising firm, is that a good pitch?

In anger management is there an assistant manager?

Is trick or treat a trick question?

If a broken clock is right twice a day, how many times is it wrong?

Should the punishment for breaking and entering be

fixing and leaving?

How do you talk about a code of silence?

Can a nose run a marathon? If it won, would they say it won by a nose?

If a witch makes a mistake is it considered misspelling?

Do stars take meteor showers and wear asteroid belts?

In the gaming world, is it good to be considered “all thumbs?”

If a group of vegans sit at a table is it considered a vegetable?

Is procrastinating at the top of your to do list?

When humpty dumpty fell, why did everyone try to put him back together when they could have just had a good breakfast?

If a pilot forgets to zip up his pants, is he then traveling in a no fly zone?

If you play golf while handcuffed is it called, Cuff links?

If you throw toxic sludge on a lamp, is that light pollution?

If you fall down in an elevator while it’s going up, do you break even?

If you clean your meat, is that a polish sausage?

If an elf was crowned king, would he be called Elfvis?

When you meet your obligations, is it polite to introduce yourself?

If you write something while sitting down, is it possible to stand by your word?

When your car breaks down should you take it to see a shrink?

If you construct a life boat out of soda cans, might it be called a root beer float?

Do you need rolling papers for smoked sausage?

Why do most shallow people have deep seeded issues?

Is slowly eating fast food considered, wasting your time?

If you straighten and shuffle papers for thirty minutes can you then say that you spent a half hour jogging?

Is a locomotive a train or a crazy idea?

If I wanted to call myself to talk about personal matters, should I get an I-Phone?

What is the difference between staying up too early and going to bed too late?

How many rooms are in a house of cards?

How many hands does it take to hold a grudge?

In theatre classes, are students encouraged to “act up?”

When you meet your doom, should you bring an introductory gift?

Is there any strength in letters?

How come there are never any beds in restrooms?

If you’re unsure about how to change your morning routine, should you just sleep on it?

If you bring a fishing pole on an airplane, might you be….fly fishing?

If someone loses a hotdog should you check your buns accordingly?

If you pack a fanny pack, is it then called a “fanny packed?”

If you get a hangnail on a cliff, is it considered a cliffhanger?

If you are hard of hearing does that mean you prefer easy listening?

If Darth Vader is on your Elevator is it then considered an Elevader?

What exactly is phony bologna? And is it FDA approved?

How much sleep constitutes a little rest?

Do pigs bring home the most bacon?

If your eyes really are bigger than your stomach, should you really be worried about finishing your meal?

When you purchase a sweater should you buy deodorant too?

If you break your 12 inch sub, can you take it to the foot doctor?

Is an Arnold Palmer a golf tea?

When you see a fork in the road, did the spoon and the knife take the paths on either side?

When aliens touchdown, will they go for the extra point?

If you run out of breath while putting your pants on, should that be called “panting?”

If you go to the mall and hop around very quietly while making your purchases, is that called “Shhhh hopping?”

Should spiders be credited with creating the first website?

If a Baker drops thirteen muffins on the floor, would that be called a “Bakers Doesn’t?”

If you lived a peaceful solitary life in the mountains meditating and eating nachos, would that make you a “chip monk?”

Should you be upset if a mime gives you the silent treatment?

If laughter is the best medicine where can I get a prescription?

Why didn’t the three little pigs just get brinks home security system?

How is it possible that Tom Cruise always completes these supposedly impossible missions?

Do these new hybrid sharks run on electricity?

When the chips are down should you just switch to pretzels?

Can you drink minute maid out of an hour glass?

How much man money can a duck fit in its bill fold?

If you fail to meet your obligations, should you reschedule the meeting?

If there is plenty of fish in the sea why is seafood so expensive?

If you leave a bread crumb trail, should you worry about the elderly stealing your bread crumbs to feed hungry ducks?

If you donate your pipe organ does that qualify you as being an organ donor?

Why is it that whenever someone spills the beans there is never any rice to go with it?

Is having the pick of the litter bad if you own a litter box?

Why is it that when something smells funny no one ever laughs?

The Stuff Film Review

There are certain Movies out there that I find interesting and begin to obsess over. I believe this is a common condition in the information age due to increased access to media.  I watched this real gem called "The Stuff"

It starts out with this crazy old man in a snowy mining facility.  He sees this weird bubbling white goo leaking out of the ground and tastes it. MMMM Tasty.

A few months later the goo is being Advertised and Sold all across America with a genius ad campaign that was one of my favorite parts of the film.  The Stuff is putting Ice Cream companies out of business and several owners meet on a boat to discuss hiring a ex FBI corporate spy named David "Moe" Rutherford played by Michael Moriarty who constantly reminds people "they call me Moe, they call me that because every time I get something I always want Mo." This Rutherford guy is silky smooth always saying the right things at the right time and handing out knuckle sandwiches left and right. Rutherford begins investigating The Stuff to find out what exactly it is. 

The Mad Blogger



The Mad Blogger



There once was a Blogger who wrote all the time

He wrote every day always posting online



Sharing his words and Ideas that he had

His audience grew with every post that he'd add

Robbery at Local Mcdonalds

THE HAMBURGLAR

Be Advised. Between the hours of 2pm and 3pm at a local Mcdonalds restaurant a 21 year old man was robbed in a suprise bathroom altercation that left him Hospitalized. As the victim attempted to use the bathroom facility he was savagely beaten and brutally assaulted. Reportedly the attacker stole the victims recently purchased Quarter Pounder With Cheese before fleeing the building giggling maniacally according to security footage.

Hey Joe

This is a Picture of Joe's Dad

Joe gets up early even though he is very tired and has a bad taste in his mouth from chewing beans all night. Joe doesn't have a toothbrush or toothpaste he just puts sugar in his mouth and smears it around with a spoon. Then he drinks a lot of water on his way to the health club.

After working out Joe sits in the sauna for a long time percolating. Finally Joe is ready to take on the day. Joe gives himself a big thumbs up in the mirror and says "I am Joe." Someone else in the locker room says "Hey Joe."

Midnight Express Film Review

The other day I watched a movie based on the true account of American student William (Billy)  Hayes who was caught with hash taped to his chest at a Turkish airport and sentenced to hard time in a Turkish prison. The film was  called "Midnight Express," a prison expression for an escape attempt. 

Top Ten Things That Matter In Everyday Life

Punctuality

Making a late payment and showing up late are essentially the same thing.  When you show up late, you are not only wasting other peoples time (bringing down moral) but giving the impression that you are incompetent.  My coach used to say "Being 15 minutes early is better than being 5 minutes late." Sometimes you can't help it and when that happens just take responsibility for what happened, nobody likes excuses. Time is money, how are you spending yours? No one ever got fired for being early.  

Appearance

Most of the time a simple costume is all the audience needs to believe in a character. In our society we all  label/judge people based on the clothing they wear or don't wear. Don't let your fashion choices send the wrong message about you. Take pride in your appearance and remember that someone is always watching. Make sure that when you engage in a job or activity you at least look the part. People always judge a book by its cover. Often times what you see, really is what you get.  Just ask this guy.    

Top 10 Pain In The Ass Injuries!

10. Hangnail Rip

Clip it. Don't Rip it.

9.  Roof of Mouth Hot Pizza Burn

Let it cool down first. 

Merry Christmas Conspiracy Theory

My back hurts, I need a beer!

"It's the most wonderful time of the year." Or so they tell me.

People are busy hanging up decorations, buying expensive gifts for loved ones and making plans to celebrate the end of the year or the possible end of the world as we know it.  

It may be a little too late but I have some thoughts regarding this whole "most wonderful time of the year" business.

You see in an effort to increase profits and  distract us during the winter months corporate society attempts to sugar coat what is really 
going on. 

J. Edgar Film Review

Last week I went to see "J. Edgar" by myself. Literally! 

I was the only person in the whole theatre so right off the bat I figured this movie was gonna suck.  Just as I started to appreciate my solitude, a portly middle aged couple arrived and sat right next to me. I was annoyed by this breach of my personal space but what could I do? The three of us watched the film and here I am a week later feeling compelled to write a review.  

Adult Malehood

“Man strength” is a term my friends and I came up with when we were about 13 to describe why an adult male (such as the school janitor) could kick our butts even though he was no bigger than us . 

The Week or the Strong who got it going on?

Feel so far from my peak

This is the hardest week

Even though i'm hungry 

I never wanna eat 

Even though im tired

I hardly ever  sleep

I feel incomplete

Like I cant compete

I wanna return my problems 

But I don't have a reciept

I stand six feet tall

Until I'm  six feet deep

I accept life's losses 

Except defeat

Seven days without strength

Will make one weak.  

Dale Fanella

Poem Inspired By Working Overnights In Radio

Underneath my fingertips

60's 70's 80's hits

Overnight at the radio station

The greatest hits are in rotation

A candidate for caffeination 

To help combat my deprivation

A cup of Joe, cool water splash

I wish I could go home and crash

A coffee buzz with Tired Eyes

Feeling fried like greasy fries

A catchy song, awake with passion

Eyes wide open never closed like caption

Then Sleep all day miss all the action 

I can't get no satisfaction

Dale Fanella

Some People Have Balls

It was nice outside today for November. I went to Wrightwood Park to shoot some hoops. I would give Wrightwood Park a 7 out of 10 on my Chicago Park District rating system. It has a gravel track, outdoor basketball courts, a playground , a small field house, and an outdoor pool.

I Aint No Snitch Part 2

A few years ago I worked at a department store. One day I saw a sign in the break room that basically said, “If you can give us any information about crooked employees or shoplifters and your information leads to an apprehension then you will be compensated.”  I wasn’t sure what to think so I walked into my manager’s office and asked the Manager  “What does the sign in the break room mean?” 

Broken Wine Bottle at Walgreen's Poem

It’s sharp, razor sharp

Green and Shiny

Strewn about the ground

In a somewhat orderly fashion

Who could have created

Such a masterpiece

I Aint No Snitch Part 1

 One time my friends from the sandwich shop I worked at invited me to have drinks at the managers apartment.

My coworker named Link  got really drunk, started barfing and passed out on the bathroom floor. 

The rest of us were laughing, making fun of him and throwing shit all over the apartment.

Earlier in the day Link had snitched on Nick the delivery guy for buying cigarettes and  energy drinks while he was on the clock.

Poem Inspired by the Burger King at Fullerton and Southport

I think of all the so called fast food Ive ever eaten

Why is it called fast food when It makes you slow?

I'm not a much of a morning person

Every morning I mumble curse words into my pillow and throw it against the wall (because it never works) as my annoying alarm clock rings in my ears.