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| My back hurts, I need a beer! |
"It's the most wonderful time of the year." Or so they tell me.
People are busy hanging up decorations, buying expensive gifts for loved ones and making plans to celebrate the end of the year or the possible end of the world as we know it.
It may be a little too late but I have some thoughts regarding this whole "most wonderful time of the year" business.
You see in an effort to increase profits and distract us during the winter months corporate society attempts to sugar coat what is really
going on.
Avoiding issues like seasonal depression, sunlight deprivation, cabin fever, increased travel delays and bone chilling temperatures by spinning fantastic tales of a fictitious fat man who is perpetually jolly despite being grossly overworked, overweight, and under staffed. Furthermore he receives little to no payment for his time and service.
Jolly my ass. This guy is putting in 60+ hour work weeks running only on cookies and milk. He probably wants a beer or a job at Fed Ex (wouldn't he do great there?)
My point is that all this cheerfulness is just a ruse to cover up the ugly parts of winter. I suppose my theory may not apply in places where it is warm year round but I'm sure they have issues of their own to keep them busy.
Not so long ago the winter mindset was simple "Don't Freeze."
Nowadays it is not enough just to stay alive, you are now required by society to spread cheer. "Its the most wonderful time of the year."
This is what the following people are thinking this time of year
Primitive Man
"Cave good, freeze bad."
Modern Child
"I have been good this year Check out my list @SCLAUS."
Modern Adult
"Where did I put those gift receipts? Who is going to pick up Aunt Liz? Did I close the garage?"
Corporate America
"Love isn't real unless you buy something to prove it."
Santa
"Gimme a Beer Man! I mean I just delivered over seven
billion presents in one night, can't I please just have one beer?"
Aunt Liz
"I think they forgot about me again, oh well I'll just watch Dexter."
Dale Fanella
"If an Elf was "The King" and could dance and could sing. Would he be called "Elfvis?"
Happy Holidays Folks
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