Do The Things That Make You Great

Been thinking a lot lately about where life is going. Somebody told me that when your young you have health and time but no money, In middle age you have money and health but you have no time, finally when you are old you have lost your health but have plenty of time and money. What is worth the most to you? I woke up early this morning about 5AM and felt the need to go outside. 

I went out to the patio in the back of my apartment and laid on the cold concrete in the light of the sun watching a few morning clouds pass by. A bit cliche I guess but the neighbors probably thought it was funny.  Eventually I got up and decided not to go back to sleep but to actually put some hours into my real life. Because when I was down there on the ground I could feel the world on my back. I could see infinitely into the sky. The whole Health, Money, Time thing is wrong in my opinion you can have all three. In fact you already do because they are all actually the same thing, they are manifestations of your energy. 

The people you meet live on in your heart forever for your heart is your soul 

The question is who does your energy belong to? Don't let it fall into the wrong hands. My advice is to spend your time wisely and spend it on the only person that really matters in this life, yourself. I'm not saying be selfish I'm just saying that you need to make yourself a priority and stop letting other people control your life. It's yours go out and get it. I'm saying this as much to myself right now as I am to you. 

This is our wake up call. Stop talking about it and start doing it. Be ambitious. Think of failure as an achievement. Spend your time cultivating the skills and crafts that make you the best you. "Simply the best... Better than all the rest." When it's all said and done you want to be able to look back on your life and know that you did the best you could. I have been looking for inspiration and today I literally found it on the ground. You never know where opportunities will present themselves. Stay thirsty my friends. 

That's The Way Uh Huh Uh Huh I Like It

That's the way uh huh uh huh I like it. I have had that song in my head all day. Kind of taking a much needed day off to catch up on the finer things in life. went to the basketball court today and kicked every ones ass. My game has never been better. It only took about 8 years to learn the fucking sport. I'm literally listening to That's the way Uh Huh Uh Huh I like it on repeat over and over again for an indefinite period of undetermined time. but that's the way i like it. Who knows what the rest of tonight holds for our heroes but we will see what adventure awaits. 

My friend who is going through a break up called me and said that his girlfriend had sent him a text saying that she hated him and was over him and blah blah blah fucking blah blah blah blahbibitty blah blah blah blah. Anyway I told him to send her "That's The Way Uh Huh Uh Huh I Like It." It worked like a charm. do do do do do do do do do. 

Shnudweiser's and Bread

Seriously? How much fucking beef do we fucking need? I was at work the other day hauling beef with my friend Steve (who can lift a whole cow above his head) and we run out of room for beef storage. Steve looks over and says "HOW MUCH FUCKING BEEF DO WE NEED?" We both just start cracking up for like an hour. Then after that we had to wait forever for this bread delivery so we kept yelling "Hey! You Guys Need Any Fucking Bread?" We look like grownups but in reality we are just adult children. I am a 27 year old 8th grader. Anyway so at work we have this other thing where we at the syllable "shn" in place of the first syllable in a word. So "Coors" becomes "Shnoors" "Peter Francis Geraci" becomes "Shneter Shnancis Shnershnaci" I guess for longer words you add extra "shn" sounds for emphasis. My favorite thing to order at the bar lately is an ice cold "Shnudweiser" it's just so fun to say it with me now "Shnudweiser." I am deadly serious about actually buying a home brew kit and really making a beer called "Shnudweiser" Wouldn't that be hilarious? eh Whatever or something. So about half the time the bartender just smiles and brings back an ice cold Shnud but the other half of the time they just look at you all crazy and say "I'm sorry, did you say Sh Sh Shnudweiser?" I'm like "yes sir that's right "Shudweiser." Then there is this long pause before I have to actually drop the whole fun "Shn" sound game and spell it out for the guy "Just get me a fucking Budweiser!" Work is really fun. 

Its a mad mad mad mad mad world

Its a maddening maddening mad hatters mad hattering mad haters are chattering

the batter is battering all the stats are still staggering the badger was badgering unabashadley brandishing a badge from a bad German Sheppard black fur like a leopard without stripes and no checkers i was a wreck at the records i felt wretched in bed but it was all for the better

forever together in splendor where ever no wonder no never grow stronger go getter 

so weather the storm whether rich or in squalor from the top of the bucket to the bottomm of dollars to the loudest of whispers and softest of hollers. for the insomniac staying up four hundred hours

to the clean freak scrubbing dead skin in the showers 

the flesh eating disease it rips and devours 

but what about love and smelling the flowers. 

Cheery Point Part 2

Not so long ago I went down to Laurenceburg Kentucky to shoot an independent feature film called "Cheery Point." I am quite pleased to announce that this weekend I am headed back to Kentucky for an Exclusive Screening Of "Cheery Point" in  Louisville. 

You may recognize a certain Delivery Man early on in the trailer. Also there may be a somewhat familiar voice waiting for you at the end of the trailer. I am so honored that they used my voice and likeness. I would like to extend my gratitude to the cast for doing such a good job and also to the crew for making the cast look so cool. I can't wait to see all my friends at the screening and see the final product of all our hard work. Here's to you guys. 

This is the honorary Paser Dance

On a side note I just wanted to say that the week I spent on the farm with the cast and crew was an experience that I will always look back on fondly. Sometimes you have to hit the woods and wear boots and a vest for a week to really figure things out. Thank you for Everything. 

From The Desk Of BallPark Frank

I get big in the paint like a big man on canvas
Frank on the globe write rhymes on the atlas
Make all the money to buy all the makers
On your mark get set on the plate like taters
Better now than laters i glide like the skaters
Always rip ass when i'm in the elavators
Darth like the vaders light saber tooth tigers
Watching us now in the eye of the fighter
Lit like a lighter cuz got spins like the dryer
Walking home looking like the man on the wire
I burn rubber like a fire breathing dragon with a magnum 
Condom i got at the spot when I bought gum 
Got some awesome nachos with cheese sauce and quac yo
An ice cream snickers and a choco taco
Got the tic tacs and tactics the stretch like elastic
I love the fans cuz they are fantastic 

No Exceptions No Excuses Part 1

I Workout!

I am happy to report that my "No Excuses No Exceptions" workout initiative has been going quite splendidly. Last week I clocked in about 10 hours of prison rules basketball with the local hoopers over at Wrightwood Park. (Jeez I hate it when people argue about fouls, quit crying.) Meanwhile over at the Wrigley rooftops (aka planet kegatron) I have been hauling the living shit out many many kegs. I have a few goals that I just want to mention in hopes that some readers will leave inspiring comments to inspire or hurtful comments to motivate. I aim to be able to do 100 push ups in a row on video by July 28th. I plan to Dunk a basketball in a game, on video by August 31st. Currently I can probably do about 50-60 push ups in a row and can dunk after warming up but not while people are trying to stop me. I need to gain a few inches on my vertical over the summer. The "No Excuses No Exceptions" ideals of strength and honor have carried over into the creative realm as well. I have recently started doing daily vocal workouts to learn all the aspects of my favorite instrument "the human voice." I cannot sing (not well anyway) but I dream of someday being able to do a mean impression of George Thoroughgood (singer of awesome tunes such as "Bad To The Bone" "I Drink Alone" "Who Do You Love?" and "One Bourbon, One Scotch And One Beer." I am actually about to do some vocal work right now before heading out to play prison ball. I love Wrightwood Park. Ball So Hard. I hope you all are getting it in this summer. Enjoy the day, it is yours for the milking. Adios Me Amigos. 

Pizza Monster Poem Part One

The sun came out and the moon set in

the alarm went off let the day begin

let the coffee brew and the shower steam

five more minutes to sleep and dream

but watch those minutes 

they sure add up

Have a bagel fill your cup

Read the Times and find your way

Be at work or play today is the day

The forest hum the ocean spray

the icy mist the sunny ray

the way we make the hours pass 

Infinite wisdom at our grasp 

father time is old and wise 

mother earth nurtures young vines

so drink the wines and clean the scrapes 

finish the paper review the tapes

take all the things you took for granted 

the overstated the understanded

the upper graded and under handed 

i read a pamphlet about the planet 

Going Green?  or Going Hamlet?

Going Hamlet I must say sir

Hamlet Going as it were

where is it here that fear we must

of gooey cheese and crunchy crust

tomato chunkage such a must

the pizza monster is after us.

Watch out because I will undoubtedly continue the story of the pizza monster and believe me when I tell you that it is going to be down right hilarious. 

Watch out for the Evil Pizza Monster

Cheery Point Part 1

I have a small role in an Independent film currently shooting on location in Kentucky. It's called "Cheery Point." Cheery Point takes place in an alternate future where the U.S. has been bombed and only sixteen states remain in the union. The story concerns the life of one man named Joshua Barrett who resides in the fictional town of Cheery Point. As a means of nullifying the mass amounts of panic and suffering the government issues a bill making it mandatory for all citizens to consume Torpase a fictional drug that renders the user completely void of any pain or emotion. Most Everyone in Cheery Point works for the T.D.D. The Torpase Distribution Division. Joshua's job is to take pictures of dead Springers (rebels who refuse Torpase and openly show emotion, an offense punishable by death. I play Sam the Torpase Delivery Man who is somewhat like a milkman or postman in his look and manner. Joshua is kidnapped by the leader of the Springers and there you have the beginnings of what will be an epic film due out this summer. Check out the site for Cheery Point. Here are some stills of me as Sam.

Please Help us finish this film by providing a charitable donation toward our cause. I am about to head down to Kentucky to finish our last week of filming. I will let you know how it goes. Wish me luck.

 

Laced Coffee Poem

One day I saw a sign 

"What kinda sign did you see?"

A giant billboard that said "(watch out for the laced coffee?)"

I blinked my eyes twice cuz I thought it said "Iced"

I sat there all day and long into the night

so deep were my thoughts i had a case of the thinks

it made me wanna stop for some food and some drinks 

the diner in flux with plate clanks and glass clinks  

I sat at a table unassuming, 

except for the other three people who sneered

back, back, back, they say while pushing me out of the way

But stay, stay, stay, I say I am the wart that wont go away 

even later in life when your old and your grey all the way to the end I'll be here to stay

so they left and I sat there got coffee and snacks like soup of the day and these new deli wraps

slaps on the table laughter rumbles like thunder i stare at my coffee and i started to wonder

now was it the smell or was it the taste one thing was for sure the coffee was laced

I paced to the bathroom to look in the mirror the sounds on my face i started to hear

strange prose from my nose bold lies from my eyes surprised by the highs that laced coffee provides

I Met Joe Black

Any Questions?

Can I Ask You A Few Questions?

If life is a marathon when do we get time to train for it?

Is throwing an apple through a window considered a technological breakthrough?

What does the late bird get to eat?

Should the bottom of the ocean have a wet floor sign?

Are stinky feet the original stocking stuffer?

If you stood taller than everyone else, would they all understand you?

If Cows could prescribe prescription medication to people. Would they work at a Farmacy?

If you write a Slogan on a baseball and throw it through the window of an advertising firm, is that a good pitch?

In anger management is there an assistant manager?

Is trick or treat a trick question?

If a broken clock is right twice a day, how many times is it wrong?

Should the punishment for breaking and entering be

fixing and leaving?

How do you talk about a code of silence?

Can a nose run a marathon? If it won, would they say it won by a nose?

If a witch makes a mistake is it considered misspelling?

Do stars take meteor showers and wear asteroid belts?

In the gaming world, is it good to be considered “all thumbs?”

If a group of vegans sit at a table is it considered a vegetable?

Is procrastinating at the top of your to do list?

When humpty dumpty fell, why did everyone try to put him back together when they could have just had a good breakfast?

If a pilot forgets to zip up his pants, is he then traveling in a no fly zone?

If you play golf while handcuffed is it called, Cuff links?

If you throw toxic sludge on a lamp, is that light pollution?

If you fall down in an elevator while it’s going up, do you break even?

If you clean your meat, is that a polish sausage?

If an elf was crowned king, would he be called Elfvis?

When you meet your obligations, is it polite to introduce yourself?

If you write something while sitting down, is it possible to stand by your word?

When your car breaks down should you take it to see a shrink?

If you construct a life boat out of soda cans, might it be called a root beer float?

Do you need rolling papers for smoked sausage?

Why do most shallow people have deep seeded issues?

Is slowly eating fast food considered, wasting your time?

If you straighten and shuffle papers for thirty minutes can you then say that you spent a half hour jogging?

Is a locomotive a train or a crazy idea?

If I wanted to call myself to talk about personal matters, should I get an I-Phone?

What is the difference between staying up too early and going to bed too late?

How many rooms are in a house of cards?

How many hands does it take to hold a grudge?

In theatre classes, are students encouraged to “act up?”

When you meet your doom, should you bring an introductory gift?

Is there any strength in letters?

How come there are never any beds in restrooms?

If you’re unsure about how to change your morning routine, should you just sleep on it?

If you bring a fishing pole on an airplane, might you be….fly fishing?

If someone loses a hotdog should you check your buns accordingly?

If you pack a fanny pack, is it then called a “fanny packed?”

If you get a hangnail on a cliff, is it considered a cliffhanger?

If you are hard of hearing does that mean you prefer easy listening?

If Darth Vader is on your Elevator is it then considered an Elevader?

What exactly is phony bologna? And is it FDA approved?

How much sleep constitutes a little rest?

Do pigs bring home the most bacon?

If your eyes really are bigger than your stomach, should you really be worried about finishing your meal?

When you purchase a sweater should you buy deodorant too?

If you break your 12 inch sub, can you take it to the foot doctor?

Is an Arnold Palmer a golf tea?

When you see a fork in the road, did the spoon and the knife take the paths on either side?

When aliens touchdown, will they go for the extra point?

If you run out of breath while putting your pants on, should that be called “panting?”

If you go to the mall and hop around very quietly while making your purchases, is that called “Shhhh hopping?”

Should spiders be credited with creating the first website?

If a Baker drops thirteen muffins on the floor, would that be called a “Bakers Doesn’t?”

If you lived a peaceful solitary life in the mountains meditating and eating nachos, would that make you a “chip monk?”

Should you be upset if a mime gives you the silent treatment?

If laughter is the best medicine where can I get a prescription?

Why didn’t the three little pigs just get brinks home security system?

How is it possible that Tom Cruise always completes these supposedly impossible missions?

Do these new hybrid sharks run on electricity?

When the chips are down should you just switch to pretzels?

Can you drink minute maid out of an hour glass?

How much man money can a duck fit in its bill fold?

If you fail to meet your obligations, should you reschedule the meeting?

If there is plenty of fish in the sea why is seafood so expensive?

If you leave a bread crumb trail, should you worry about the elderly stealing your bread crumbs to feed hungry ducks?

If you donate your pipe organ does that qualify you as being an organ donor?

Why is it that whenever someone spills the beans there is never any rice to go with it?

Is having the pick of the litter bad if you own a litter box?

Why is it that when something smells funny no one ever laughs?

High on Music?

Don't Get Addicted

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I seem to always have a song stuck in my head. They come and they go in two week increments. It has been this way as far back as I can remember. At first it was La Bamba and Don't Worry Be Happy. As a kid I would run around my Grandmother's living room dancing (as if on drugs.) Nowadays the songs just keep on coming and I have even started to make some of my own or mash ups of real and fake songs combined together for even more hilarity. The whole process is almost always the same. 

1. You hear a song and the groundwork is laid for future exposure to the melodies, rhythms, beat and vocals. 

2. You hear the song again but this time something clicks and all of the sudden you just cant stop humming along with the music even after the song is over. The rest of the day you hum and perhaps even sing what you know of the song to yourself. 

3.You find the song on you-tube or obtain your own personal copy of it and chronically watch or listen obsessively for days and nights on end. Reciting it everywhere you go, getting a natural high from it's presence in your life. People will get annoyed with you and wonder what the hell is wrong with you. "get a life that song is so old and lame" Don't let them get to you . 

4. You continue to sing the song but the passion has faded. (just like new jobs, Ha) You kind of just keep the memory of the song around while you unconsciously search  for a new musical fix. 

5. You hear a new song or an old favorite and the whole process repeats itself. 

Here is a list of some songs that I have been addicted to.

Higher Love by Steve Winwood

Just Give Me The Night by George Benson

Pump Pump by Snoop Doggy Dogg

Last Christmas by Wham!

Still The Same by Bob Seger

Just What I Needed by The Cars

Stand Up And Shout by Steel Dragon

I Just Wanna Love You by Akon Feat Snoop Dogg

I Know You See by Young Joc

Saved By Zero by The Fixx

No Time by The Guess Who

All My Loving by The Beatles

I Kissed A Girl by Katy Perry

Stronger by Kanye West

Urgent by Foreigner 

Reach Out I'll Be There by The Four Tops

Ain't Too Proud To Beg by The Temptations

Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley

Eye Of The Tiger by Survivor

3 A.M. by Eminem

The Lottery by The Kottonmouth Kings

La Isle Bonita by Madonna

People Are Strange by The Doors

Intergalactic by The Beastie Boys

Talking In Your Sleep by The Romantics

Bang A Gong by Power Station

My Girl by The Temptations

Cooler Than Me by Mike Posner

Scenario by A Tribe Called Quest feat The LONS

Don't You Want Me by Human League

Abracadabra by The Steve Miller Band

Come on Ride the Train by The Quad City DJ's

The Entire Space Jam Soundtrack by Various Artists

I'm Still Standing by Elton John

Chin Check by NWA

Hello by NWA

As The World Turns by Eminem

Holding Back the Years by Simply Red

Ive got the Power by Snap

Finer Things by Steve Winwood

I Go Blind by Hootie and The Blowfish

Dale Fanella