Funky Drummer Son

Waiting alone at the train station the other night there was this old stuttering guy who kept staggering around and acting like a dumb ass. So I decided to leave because my night was ruined. I went walking around aimlessly for a long while searching for meaning, for purpose, for a thrill. I came upon an old underground juke joint that had all these dancers and real big shot types. There were also a few questionable street toughs sitting along the bar. I played some pool and bought a cigarette  from the bathroom attendant. Walking alone again I felt like one of the dogs from that movie with the voices of Robert Redford, Michael J. Fox and Rosie O'Donnell I believe they were called Shadow, Chance, and Sassy. What wonderful names. Far from home or some shit. Then I went to the all night burrito place to calm my nerves. This table of nerds was arguing the fate of the universe and then this girl sat down and very enthusiastically ordered some Chorizo. She was Beautiful. Blond and voluptuous, I was instantly attracted. I approached shyly and asked her to go on a date. She was excited. I was nervous but it did not show. I felt really confident and cool. Like those movie guys. Harrison Ford and shit. What's up ladies? I am here to ask you not to harass you. If you know what is up then you know I am talking to the Chorizo girl. 

Do The Things That Make You Great

Been thinking a lot lately about where life is going. Somebody told me that when your young you have health and time but no money, In middle age you have money and health but you have no time, finally when you are old you have lost your health but have plenty of time and money. What is worth the most to you? I woke up early this morning about 5AM and felt the need to go outside. 

I went out to the patio in the back of my apartment and laid on the cold concrete in the light of the sun watching a few morning clouds pass by. A bit cliche I guess but the neighbors probably thought it was funny.  Eventually I got up and decided not to go back to sleep but to actually put some hours into my real life. Because when I was down there on the ground I could feel the world on my back. I could see infinitely into the sky. The whole Health, Money, Time thing is wrong in my opinion you can have all three. In fact you already do because they are all actually the same thing, they are manifestations of your energy. 

The people you meet live on in your heart forever for your heart is your soul 

The question is who does your energy belong to? Don't let it fall into the wrong hands. My advice is to spend your time wisely and spend it on the only person that really matters in this life, yourself. I'm not saying be selfish I'm just saying that you need to make yourself a priority and stop letting other people control your life. It's yours go out and get it. I'm saying this as much to myself right now as I am to you. 

This is our wake up call. Stop talking about it and start doing it. Be ambitious. Think of failure as an achievement. Spend your time cultivating the skills and crafts that make you the best you. "Simply the best... Better than all the rest." When it's all said and done you want to be able to look back on your life and know that you did the best you could. I have been looking for inspiration and today I literally found it on the ground. You never know where opportunities will present themselves. Stay thirsty my friends. 

Shnudweiser's and Bread

Seriously? How much fucking beef do we fucking need? I was at work the other day hauling beef with my friend Steve (who can lift a whole cow above his head) and we run out of room for beef storage. Steve looks over and says "HOW MUCH FUCKING BEEF DO WE NEED?" We both just start cracking up for like an hour. Then after that we had to wait forever for this bread delivery so we kept yelling "Hey! You Guys Need Any Fucking Bread?" We look like grownups but in reality we are just adult children. I am a 27 year old 8th grader. Anyway so at work we have this other thing where we at the syllable "shn" in place of the first syllable in a word. So "Coors" becomes "Shnoors" "Peter Francis Geraci" becomes "Shneter Shnancis Shnershnaci" I guess for longer words you add extra "shn" sounds for emphasis. My favorite thing to order at the bar lately is an ice cold "Shnudweiser" it's just so fun to say it with me now "Shnudweiser." I am deadly serious about actually buying a home brew kit and really making a beer called "Shnudweiser" Wouldn't that be hilarious? eh Whatever or something. So about half the time the bartender just smiles and brings back an ice cold Shnud but the other half of the time they just look at you all crazy and say "I'm sorry, did you say Sh Sh Shnudweiser?" I'm like "yes sir that's right "Shudweiser." Then there is this long pause before I have to actually drop the whole fun "Shn" sound game and spell it out for the guy "Just get me a fucking Budweiser!" Work is really fun. 

Kegs Equal American Muscle

The Most Interesting Bar Back in the World has been gaining wide recognition for his charitable keg room donations and pub safety training. Along with his side kick "The Most Interesting Sidekick in the World and a whole staff of other characters "The Most Interesting Bar Back in the World is in for another season on the brink. 

Today I present the videos from our first home stand. You can view other information on the most interesting bar back in the world, the most interesting sidekick in the world and the keg men of America in one of my other posts called "The Ten Keg Commandments" As each home stand comes and goes I will post the videos from said home stand. Enjoy and please haul kegs responsibly. 

Delirium serum deleterious sermon delicious syrup and watermelon

All of the people have bad intentions
Truer words were never sung
Craigslist reading missed connections
Someone saw me at Fullerton
Thomas Jefferson had inventions
I have got the perfect one
A filter for your butt so when you fart it freshens
I think I need to re start
How about a robot shopping cart?
Honestly please, do you have suggestions
Inventing things is really hard
Do you believe in new dimension
How many have you seen so far
Avoid the department of corrections
Or you'll be living behind bars
I'm getting calls about debt collection
While I'm sitting at the bar
Life is like a recollection
Of what it is we truly are
Prepare yourself for disinfection
Afterward you keep the jar
Nerium for nice complexion
Ordering some caviar
Can I get a cord extension
The outlet here is really far

Deputy Hound Dog Mcgee skit

(A Kitchen)

Billy

Winter sucks, what’s the point of having a snow day if you cant go outside?

PETER

Yea but Billy, why don’t we just drink those cool looking soda cans in your Dads fridge?

BILLY

That’s not soda, that’s my Dads beer. I’ve never had beer before have you?

PETER

Yea uh I have I’ve drank beer plenty of times

BILLY

 (Opening the fridge)

 Let’s drink it before it drinks itself.

PETER

Beer! Billy! Lets drink some Beer!

BILLY

Dad doesn’t call them “Beers” he calls them “Brews”

PETER

(opens a can)

Cheers Billy my good man

(both drink)

BILLY and PETER

Awww gross. What the….ewww, this is disgusting how are we gonna finish these Brews, if they taste like warm piss?

BILLY

What the heck, I thought it was supposed to taste all good and sweet like Dad says?

PETER

(Pacing)

Yea uh I remember it tasting much better the last couple times, must be a bad batch. You think your Dad will notice the missing cans?

BILLY

(Scared)

Dad’s gonna kill me if he finds out we were drinking

PETER

Yeah, Especially if he finds out that we opened his brews and then didn’t like the way they tasted.  Can’t we just dump them down the sink?

BILLY

 ( Grabbing PETER)

No! No! No! We cannot waste Dad’s brews.  You know how he gets when I take stuff 

PETER

Like that white stuff we found in his desk?

BILLY

 (nodding)

That’s correct PETER.  But luckily I have a good idea to get us out of this mess

PETER

Your gonna drink them both yourself?

BILLY

 (Reaching for the phone)

No.  I’m gonna call someone who can. Deputy Hound Dog McGee

PETER

(shocked)

But Billy, you can’t call Deputy Hound Dog McGee? He’s crazy!

PETER

 (w/ phone to his ear)

Hello, Hi, Deputy Hound Dog McGee? You like beer right?  Good. Because I have some that I cant finish.  Are you busy right now?

(Peter Hangs up)

PETER

Yes! He said he’s on his way. 

BILLY

But isn’t Dad supposed to be home soon?

PETER

Oh No.  Your right.  Oh my god.  Hopefully Deputy Hound Dog McGee can bust his fat ass on the way over here.

(DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE enters room visibly winded)

DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE

(Panting)

…….Beer……….still……Here…..?

PETER

(setting the beer down in front of DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE)

Yes sir here it is all two cans’ of the finest, freshest brew. 

(DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE sizes up the cans with his eyes)

(PETER and BILLY exchange nervous glances)

DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE

I’ll do it but if I do then you have to give me another beer for my trouble

PETER

 (Shocked)

Uhh uh um okay fine just drink the damn things. 

(DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE begins chugging both cans)

PETER and PETER

Go, Go, Go, Go Go!

DEPUTY HOUND DOG MCGEE

(Belches)

Aww that was nothing you sissy’s.  Now go fetch me another beer

( puts his feet up on the table)

PETER

(Angry)

Just because you drank our Dad’s brew doesn’t mean you get to act like our Dad

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

(slightly Slurring)

Ssshutup, and get me another boy or I’ll wupp you good.  I’m gonna get drunk this afternoon.

(BILLY looks at PETER)

PETER

(Arms crossed)

Deputy Hound Dog McGee? Whats it like?

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

Wwwwhats? What? Like?

Peter

Ya know? Being Drunk

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

How the hell should I know I cant get drunk with only two beers.  I need more. 

PETER

Do you think you will be after three?

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

I’m gettin there, now will you just keep the Brews coming?

Peter

(Opening the fridge)

Sure, Sure, we can give you some more Brews but you have to make sure that you can drink them. 

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

(Reaches for a Beer)

Yeah, I never met a beer I couldn’t drink

PETER

Well at least we wont get in trouble when…………….

(Dad Enters, Looking Angry)

Dad

(Sits Down looks at Deputy Hound Dog McGee)

Now I don’t wanna have to hurt ya son so be honest………Were you planning on drinking my brew?

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

(Petrified)

N N N NO sir I don ‘t drink beer I was just sitting here and Peter was Drinking them. 

PETER

(Hands up)

No way.  Dad I didn’t do it.  He’s Lying Smell his breath

PETER

Deputy Hound Dog McGee drank two beers and said he was going to get drunk. 

(All look at Deputy Hound Dog McGee)

(Deputy Hound Dog McGee Belches)

(All look at Dad)

Dad

Ahahaha You dumb son of a bitch that ain't real brew that’s non alcoholic.  This boy wasn’t going to get Drunk. 

Peter

But he was slurring Dad?

(All look at Deputy Hound Dog McGee)

Dad

That’s because your friend is damn stupid boy. 

Deputy Hound Dog McGee

(Grabs Beer from PETER)

I wasn’t gonna drink it I don’t even want it, look I’ll dump it down the sink.

(Reaches for sink)

 PETER

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

(Dad Lunges)

Super Lyrical

Lyrically I’m like an athletic freak when I write

 So I’m tight at open mics that I frequent at night

 When I speak on the mic  in a beacon of light

 I’m kinda weird and i'm white but still keeping it hype

I need a miller lite! When I step off stages

 Take a seat at the bar with some hot babes and write pages

 I’m writin bars at bars with with local rap stars

 I’m writin bars at barbeques with dudes in my back yard

 Cuz art work pays off take no days off

 Work hard play soft smoke weed, play golf

 I often stop at coffee shops to sit and jot

  I get lost in thought with the ink I blot

  I sit and think a lot high off decent pot

 I never creep or stop whether I sleep or not

  I think this coffee drink I got is freaking hot

  Lyrically on a streak that can never be stopped